


Ocean Eyes

by cielthewatchdog



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bisexual Boys Love, Bottom Alex, Bullying, Drama & Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Mentions of Past Rapes, Montgomery is an asshole that needs a life, OC characters, Sexual Content, Smut, Swearing... duh, Teenage Drama, Threats, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Violence, Zach is a protective boyfriend, kind of slow burn, love rivals, sexuality realization, top zach
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2020-09-01 19:14:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20263135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cielthewatchdog/pseuds/cielthewatchdog
Summary: After the events of their Junior year, Zach Demsey and Alex Standall realize that they want to try being in a relationship. They decided with how things are at school that it may be best keeping their relationship a secret but will their secret be their downfall?





	1. So Close

**Author's Note:**

> Zach and Alex in season two are a cross between two iconic vines.
> 
> First vine: "Two Bros chilling in a hot tub five feet apart cuz they're not gay" - Zach and Alex: We aren't gay we are straight guys who just happen to have a ton of sexual tension
> 
> Second vine: "Bro I had a dream we fucked." "Bro it's just a dream." "Ha gay I wouldn't fuck you." "You wouldn't?" "I mean unless you want to" - Zach and Alex: ...Okay we might be a little gay
> 
> And no one can convince me otherwise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter: It is a month after the events of episode 13 of season two. Zach starts to realize he may have feelings for Alex and they have a moment.
> 
> Warnings for this Chapter: Homophobic language, mentions of Tyler's rape, vague threats of rape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this before the third season was released so if things go differently from how I already wrote it I am sorry. This fanfiction does not have Bryce's murder mystery as that is not part of the plot. I based a lot of Alex and Zach's chemistry off season two and I don't know if they will date or not in season three but in case they don't here is a romantic drama fanfiction about them to satisfy you (hopefully) if the ship does not become canon (although I really hope it will).
> 
> The title of this fanfiction has the same name as Billie Eilish's song "Ocean Eyes" the reason for that is because while the story is in the third person it is also following Zach's perspective on their romance. It seemed perfect as that is a love song about someone falling so deeply in love with another person like Zach will for Alex in this fanfiction. Plus Alex's eyes are blue so it's literally perfect (I know ocean eyes is about the beauty of the person's eyes, not the color, but it works because Miles Heizer, Alex Standall's actor, has beautiful ocean blue eyes) So this story is about the two falling deeply in love and the trials and hardships that can come with a secret not so accepted romance.
> 
> Also, I apologize if I get any facts wrong from the previous seasons. I just rewatched them so I shouldn't but in case I do I am sorry. And if I have typos my apologizes there too, you will be amazed at what you can miss during the proofreading stage. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my story.

Junior year had finally come to an end. It was one of the worst years in Liberty High’s history: one suicide, one attempted suicide, who knows how many cases of rape, a lawsuit, and finally an attempted school shooting. Tyler was caught the night of the dance, even though Tony tried to help him escape it hadn't worked. Tyler was now in jail because even though he didn’t hurt anyone that night he went there with the intent to. His trial would start in a few months to determine his sentencing. Last Zach had heard they were going to plead insanity, at least that was what Tyler told Alex which was what Alex had told him.

Around the school, there were now school shooter posters and how to spot the signs and such. These were added next to the suicide and the drunk driving posters. The school only ever seemed to put up posters when it was too late. Luckily though Clay talked Tyler down. Some of the students visited Tyler in jail to give their support. Zach was not friends with Tyler, obviously, but Alex still was or at least Alex was supportive. Alex knew that he and Tyler could never go back to the way they were before but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t be there for Tyler. Zach knew this and respected it, but that didn’t mean he liked it. After all the things Tyler had done Zach found it hard to have sympathy for him, but he had to respect that Alex did. Alex was his best friend after all. After all the time they spent with physical therapy and just hanging out they were very close.

As of late Zach started to think of Alex more and more; when he woke up, when he was eating, during a shower, as he was falling asleep thoughts of his best friend filled his mind. At first, the thoughts were perfectly normal, things like what Alex was doing, how he was feeling, and such. But then the thoughts started to become stranger to Zach it started with how he would think of being with Alex all the time. Then it went to even stranger things like how his mind would drift to Alex’s body, he would think of just staring into Alex’s ocean eyes and ask him what he was thinking about, he would think of touching Alex in both innocent and less than pure ways, and he began to wonder if Alex thought of him as much as he thought of Alex.

Zach did his best to ignore these thoughts and feelings. But he also made sure not to distance himself, not anymore. He was done with that cowardly bullshit. He knew that he had been hurting Alex with how he was pretending to not be his friend when certain people were looking. If others couldn’t handle that they were friends then they would simply just have to deal with it, his mother included. She wanted him to hang out with people like Bryce, but that was because she was ignorant of what kind of people Bryce and his entourage actually were. She did not want to believe the rumors simply because Bryce could open doors for Zach, and she was always looking for opportunities for Zach, things to put on his college applications and resumes and such.

Zach knew that his mom only had the best of intentions but there were so many things she fell short on. Zach could never have any moments where he wasn’t okay. He felt like he could never open up about his feeling on anything especially things like his father’s death, what Hannah did, what Alex attempted to do, and especially his sexuality. He felt like his mother was hyper-focused on opportunities for Zach’s future, it did not matter how he felt presently. She made herself clear that she disapproved of all the time Zach was spending with Alex over someone like Bryce. This led to argument after argument of how his mother never took into account what Zach actually waned and she would retort that she is only concerned with his future.

This argument seemed to be never-ending, the two couldn’t reach an understanding. Where Zach used to be unwilling to fight, he now was. He wasn’t going to let anyone tell him who he should be or who he should spend his time with or who he should date, it is his life. Obviously, he did not want to fight with his mother and always felt bad when they did but she was not understanding of his wants and needs at all. He was just sick of people walking over him. He wouldn’t take it from anyone anymore. Someone that never seemed to want to control Zach was Alex. Obviously, Alex did not like when Zach pretended like he didn’t exist in front of other jocks nor did he like when Zach hung around people like Bryce but for everything else, Zach was his own person and Alex respected that.

It was a month into their summer break before their senior year and it was time for PT with Alex. He really looked forward to physical therapy. He liked it so much to the point he was considering switching what he would major in. He liked the time with Alex, but it went beyond that. He enjoyed the idea of helping Alex and people like Alex. He wanted to continue to help others gain control of their bodies again like he was trying to do with Alex. When he told Alex, he approved of Zach’s decision to change his major. He said that Zach is really good with it and definitely has the heart to do so. Plus, it suited his personality and his athleticism would help in that. As Zach drove to Alex’s to pick him up his mind drifted to how accepting Alex was of his life choices and how he never had to worry about Alex making fun of him. Alex may be sarcastic here and there but when it comes to thing Zach was passionate about, he was sincere and understanding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the pool, Alex was on his bike as he was training his left leg to try to regain use of it. This was the kind of physical therapy they had been doing for months. Alex was showing some signs of improvement though. His balance was a little better since he was improving his right leg’s balance and his left leg’s strength. He wouldn’t immediately collapse if he didn’t have a cane or something to lean on. He was able to balance for a longer period of time but eventually, he would collapse. This was an improvement, but it was so minuscule for Alex that it clearly bothered him. On the other hand, Zach, he felt extremely happy about it

Alex let out a frustrated groan as the pedaling on the bike came to a halt. “Goddamn, it what is the fucking point?” Alex asked his voice sounding discouraged as his expression was filled with annoyance, not towards Zach but toward his own body.

Zach tilted his head and looked at him in shock. “You’re doing great though.” Zach said trying to encourage Alex. “You are continuing to show improvement that is the point.”

Alex scoffed hitting the water. “Oh yeah, so I don’t fucking fall on my ass as fast as I used to without my cane, big fucking deal.” He was looking down furiously at his left leg under the waves of the pool water.

“That is a big deal, Alex.” Zach said his voice soft and calm as he placed a comforting hand on Alex’s tense back. “Improvement of any kind is something to celebrate. It isn’t going to happen overnight, and it can be a long, hard, and tiring process but I am with you every step of the way… literally.” Zach said with a charming smile on his face which elicited a slight laugh from Alex as he rolled his eyes. Zach moved his hand on Alex’s back in a comforting way. “Listen I got your back man,” Zach began sincerely as he looked in those ocean blue eyes feeling as though he could stare in them forever. Just then he got an overwhelming desire to pull Alex into a passionate and comforting kiss. He wanted to wrap his arms around Alex and tell him it would be okay. Those eyes always seemed to make his mind turn to mush and distract him from whatever he was originally thinking about. He cleared his throat to bring himself back to reality. “And anyway,” Zach started as he shook those thoughts and desires away. “I’m acting as your physical therapist, so I am not going to let your ass quit. Get back to pedaling Standall.” Zach joked with his signature charming smile.

Alex rolled his eyes and went back to his exercise. “Your so fucking annoying Dempsey.” Alex retorted laughing as he looked at Zach’s smile. “I don’t mean to be like a whiney fucking bitch or anything.” Alex apologized with a sigh. “I guess Montgomery got to me today.” Alex admitted looking down.

Zach felt anger flare up in his body. He clenched the stopwatch a little harder underneath the water as he felt his muscles instinctively tense. His eyebrows furrowed just at the thought of Montgomery. “What the fuck did Monty have to say?” Zach questioned his voice indicating that he was very much irritated by the fact that Monty could never seem to leave Alex alone. Zach had become very protective of Alex especially after he found out what happened to Tyler in the school bathroom. Whenever Monty’s name turned up in conversation, he couldn’t help but tense up as his body coursed with anger for him. Alex and Monty used to be great friends and because of everything that happened he went after Alex in particular.

Alex sighed. “Nothing he doesn’t always say... or do.” Alex muttered trying to avoid the subject. Zach gave him a serious look which persuaded Alex to continue and tell Zach what he had said and did. “Well, you know how I got a job at the Crestmont?” Alex asked and Zach nodded. Once Oliva Baker moved to New York Alex lost his job at Baker’s Pharmaceuticals since she sold it. It became a small fine china shop and for obvious reasons, they couldn't hire Alex. People who only have use of half of their body and fragile dishes do not mix well. Alex still wanted to work as it gave him purpose and kept him distracted. There were some easy jobs that they could have Alex do at the Crestmont and since it was a local company that wanted to hire people with disabilities the management hired Alex.

Alex continued. “I was standing at the front collecting tickets from costumers when they come in and then Monty and his nontourage showed up.” Alex reported. Nontourage was something that was amusing to Zach as it was a play on the word entourage except instead of meaning it as a compliment this was turned into an insult. Instead of it being a group of people surrounding someone important it was more like a group of unimportant and stupid people. Zach always thought that Alex was good at random crap like that. He was particularly witty especially when it came to insults. “He grabbed my cane and then tossed it around between him and his friends. I ended up losing my balance and I fell in front of all of them. The guy that was working behind the counter had to come over and help me up. But Monty said that I’ll always be a pathetic cripple and some shit like that. It was really humiliating.” Alex explained his voice a little shaky and his cheeks pink with embarrassment from the sheer memory of it all.

Zach clenched his fists from the thought of Monty doing that to Alex. “What a fucking dick. I should beat the shit out of him for that.”

Alex shook his head. “Hmm, my hero.” Alex teased remaining as sarcastic as he always was. “Although I would like to see you beating the ever-loving fuck out of that prick. He deserves it completely especially with what he did to Tyler, that sick fuck. But I don’t know that he’s worth it. I wouldn’t want you getting hurt for my sake.” Alex said which made Zach’s heart flutter.

“You would worry about me getting hurt?”

Alex looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Well yeah, you are my friend.” Alex admitted honestly. “Plus, I wouldn’t want him damaging that star face of yours.” Alex said playfully. Zach’s heart was racing when Alex gave him a compliment and then smiled. He looked at Alex in the eye to see just how serious he was being. Alex was joking but he also had a hint of seriousness in his eyes showing that while it was a bit of a joke, he also meant what he said. Zach twirled his thumbs under the water as he started wondering if Alex found him attractive. There was that locker room incident, but that could have just been the physical contact of their little fight. That didn’t mean Alex thought of Zach the way Zach thought of him. He cleared his throat trying to brush his thoughts away.

“Umm so have you talked to Jessica or Justin at all?” Zach inquired very carefully. That was a bit of a touchy subject. Zach didn't really want to think about it as it was a painful memory for him too.

Alex rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Jessica and Justin can do whatever the fuck they want.” Alex said exasperated at the thought while his voice still a little bitter. “They could be fucking right now I could care less?” Alex insisted sounding like he did still care at least a little.

“You mean you couldn’t care less.” Zach corrected.

“Jesus you are the last person I want to correct my English. Yes, I meant I couldn’t care less.” Alex snapped.

“It’s okay if you aren’t over her yet.” Zach said in as comforting of a voice as he could conjure up as he tried not to feel insulted by what Alex said. He knew that when Alex was angry, he said a lot of things that were hurtful, but he didn’t mean them to be that way.

Alex shook his head as he took a few deep breaths to calm down. “If one thing is for sure I am over her. I was so hurt like really hurt when I found out at the dance she slept with Justin. But I am so over her. I feel that she doesn’t deserve me you know?” Alex questioned and Zach one hundred percent agreed. “I liked her a lot and everything, but she is the one that cheated. And maybe it wasn’t cheating since we weren’t together, but we were together at the dance at least. I mean it is really not cool to fuck one guy when you are on a date with another that’s all I am saying. And now I just feel annoyed that she and Justin betrayed me. But more than that I wish she didn’t just lead me on like that and then maybe I could have danced with someone else that night.” Alex explained looking at Zach in the eye.

Zach wondered who he wanted to dance with if not with Jessica. He and Alex danced together but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. Well, it meant something to Zach, but to Alex, it was probably just practice with a caring friend. “So, you are over her?” Zach asked to clarify things.

“Yeah totally. I am still a little bitter and mad, but I’ll get over it, I guess. I am ready for that chapter of my life to be over with.” Alex said and Zach just nodded in understanding. “Fuck though it’s been a shitty day. I wish I could just get fucked up somehow.”

“I don’t think that would be the best idea.” Zach muttered at first since he knew Alex knew that. And Alex did which is why he shot him an irritated glance that practically said 'yes thank you I know that'. Zach cleared his throat to change the mood from a less awkward one. “But if you want, we can hang out and talk. I can even give you some junk food.” Zach suggested.

“I hate that junk food is like my drugs now.” Alex sighed. “But yeah that would help.” Alex said knowing that one thing was for sure he didn’t want to be alone today. Zach smiled and placed his hand back on Alex’s back. Once their time was up Zach helped Alex off the bike. He then lifted Alex out of the pool. They went to the showers where they rinsed off. The gym had a community shower and they liked to wash up right away to get the chlorine off their skin. They always just showered next to each other with their trunks on.

As they were rinsing off Alex went to grab the bottle of body wash from Zach but slipped. Zach made sure he caught Alex and helped support him. His hands were on Alex’s waist to support him as Alex placed his good hand against Zach’s chest. “Sorry I lost my footing.” Alex explained looking up at Zach. Zach looked into Alex’s eyes and felt his heart pound in his chest.

“No- No worries man.” Zach stuttered a little. He was so glad he wasn’t obvious when he blushed because he was definitely blushing right now.

“Um, are you okay?” Alex asked his good hand was up against Zach’s chest and he could feel the sped-up heartbeat.

“What? Oh yeah, of course, I was just worried I wouldn’t catch you in time and you would get hurt that’s all.” Zach lied.

Alex smirked a little. “Really because maybe I make you nervous like this?” Alex teased which made Zach start to panic. He swallowed hard. “I’m just kidding. I believe you. Thanks for not letting me fall on my face.” Alex said laughing a little. Zach nodded looking down into Alex’s beautiful blue eyes. He bit his lip slightly as his eyes drifted down to Alex’s lips. He really wanted to kiss him. Alex looked back not saying anything. They both remained like this for a little while. The tone and the mood in the room changed from joking to something a little more sensual. Zach took a deep breath when Alex’s eyes quickly looked at Zach’s lips. As Zach started to lean down, he and Alex started to both close their eyes. He was about to kiss Alex and Alex was going to let him, but nothing is ever that easy. The door opened and in came Monty. It was a public gym but what were the chances that he would be in this very locker room at this exact time. The planets had to align to make that shit happen.

“Well, what do we have here?” Montgomery provoked smugly. “Two fags about to fuck in public showers.” Zach immediately dropped his hands from Alex in shame almost. Zach looked away from Alex unable to look at him. Alex, however, kept his hand on Zach’s chest though. Monty snickered as he looked at the two feeling like he was going to win this little confrontation.

“That’s a strange insult.” Alex began. “I didn’t think calling someone a cigarette is all that good of an insult but hey that is all your tiny brain could come up with, right?” Alex jested his voice just as smug as Monty’s. Zach couldn’t believe Alex’s confidence and wit. He started laughing barely believing Alex said that. It was hilarious and impressive to Zach not to mention attractive. His desire to kiss Alex now increased by like tenfold. Alex always continued o impress him.

“Yeah, Alex has a point come up with a better insult man.” Zach said in a challenging way.

“Fine then faggots.” Monty mockingly.

Alex tilted his head slightly. “So, we are a bundle of sticks now?” Alex asked laughing a little which made Zach laugh harder. Monty started to advance on Alex, but Zach moved in front of Alex. Protective mode was so on now.

“I wouldn’t advise getting any closer.” Zach threatened. Monty gritted his teeth.

“Not so tough without your brainless followers huh Monty?” Alex said smirking at him.

Montgomery let out a low grunt as he looked at Alex furiously. He then turned to Zach. “Your little bitch seems to think he’s the shit. I’d get him under control for his sake you know what happens behind closed bathroom doors.” Monty threatened before he walked away. Alex’s expression changed from a smug one to something a little more scared. They won that confrontation, but he didn’t like what Monty was implying he would do to him.

“Montgomery if you so much as look at him the wrong way I’ll fucking break your arm and then both of your legs. Don’t fucking try me asshole.” Zach said not wanting to hear Monty threaten Alex. He could threaten Zach all day long, but Alex was where he drew the line. Especially the way he threatened Alex it made him uncomfortable and pretty uneasy. Once he was gone Zach turned back to Alex. “Where did that come from?” Zach questioned referring to that seemingly out of nowhere confidence that Alex had.

Alex simply shrugged and went back to washing himself off. “I don’t know it just came to me. Plus outsmarting a bully really pisses them off.” Alex explained his back was to Zach.

Zach wondered if maybe the reason Alex was distant was because he was worried about what Monty said? “Hey, you know I’ll never let anything happen to you. What happened to Tyler… I… I will never let that happen. I’d kill him before I let that happen.”

Alex sighed. “Yeah I believe that you won’t but it’s kind of hard to keep me safe if you are ashamed of me.” Alex said his voice dispassionate in tone but at the same time showing just how hurt he felt. Zach figured he kind of ruined the mood since he immediately pulled away from Alex, but he didn’t think he hurt Alex that badly. Alex was courageous and didn’t automatically distance himself from Zach when Monty came in. It hurt Alex that he had pulled away so easily and so quickly and that he couldn’t even look at Alex when Monty was watching. It did send the message that Zach was ashamed of him but that wasn’t Zach’s intent. Great, he had fucked up again what else was new? He couldn’t help but wonder if he hadn’t pulled away if they would have continued where they left off before Monty came in. Part of him thinks that they would have. They were so close to progressing their relationship to something romantic. Great job Zach, he thought to himself as he shook his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a few chapters already written in advance as I needed to know where I wanted the story to go. But I do not know how many chapters I am planning in total. I know I want at least ten chapters probably more, but we will have to see.
> 
> I am not sure how often I will upload as I have classes and such, but I plan for it to be every week to every other week. But we will have to see where it will go and how busy I get. I also don't want to rush these things because I want the story to be dramatic and interesting and well written so I hope you can be patient. I will say for the first few chapters I might upload sooner to get out more interesting content as this was just the introduction and let me know if you would like that or not.
> 
> So for all of the chapters I have written are about this length which is roughly between 3,500 and 4,000 words but that is roughly 10 to 11 pages on a word document book form would be around 29 pages give or take. I read that 3,000 to 5,000 words is your typical book chapter-length so that is what I went with. I tried to include detailed paragraphs without being too wordy on the unnecessary stuff. So, I hope this length is something my readers like.
> 
> Please let me know your feedback as it is always helpful and definitely welcomed. If there is something you might want to see in this fanfic let me know in the comments and I will see if I can incorporate it into the story. Anyway, I really hope you all like the story. Thank you for reading.


	2. Does Alex Standall Know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter: Zach accepts he likes Alex and things get uncomfortable for Zach because of this.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Embarrassment, Slightly kind of sort of sexual content

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you all may know season 3 is out and I will not be talking about any spoilers all I will say is this does NOT follow season 3 plotlines at all. It may have a few nods to some of the events and I may include Ani as a slight side character but other than that this will not be following the events of season 3 at all. That plotline is not cannon in this story. I mentioned this before, but I think it is important to state again.
> 
> As always, I proofread my work, but I am sorry if there are any typos. I hope you like this chapter and I hope it’s not too embarrassing to read. Lol, you’ll see what I mean. Enjoy!

Ever since the new locker room incident, the progress of Zach and Alex’s relationship came to a halt. They were still best friends and all but that was it. There were no new moments which furthered their relationship to the next level. It was so frustrating for Zach. So many what-ifs popped into his mind. What if he had just kissed Alex that day? What if he hadn’t pulled away? What if he tried to kiss Alex now, would he reject him? Then there were the questions of confusion. Did this mean that Alex liked him? Was he just imaging their moment? What if he completely read the situation wrong? His mind was a jumbled mess of confusion and questions. He hoped that he didn’t completely fuck things up with Alex.

Zach was now at the point where he accepted that he liked Alex. He wasn’t sure what this meant for his sexuality. He knew he wasn’t gay as he was still very much into females and their anatomy, but he also didn’t know that he couldn’t say he was completely straight anymore either. Alex was really the only male he liked. He heard of that happening before, you think you have a certain preference, but someone comes along and changes what you thought you knew about your sexuality. It was all so confusing, and Zach wasn’t great with labels. He couldn’t even label what he and Hannah had. That was another thing what he and Hannah had was great, but he totally fucked that one up. He didn’t want the same to happen with Alex. He left his sexuality undeclared to himself for now at least since he did not feel the need to give himself a label with stupid rules to follow.

All he really knew for sure was that he liked Alex a lot and he wanted to be with him, not just as a friend. He dreamed of advancing things to the next level with Alex. Obviously, he wanted to continue the friend stuff too like video games, casual hangouts, weird meme filled texting and shit like that. But he also wanted to go on dates. He wanted to hold Alex’s hand, good or bad hand it didn’t matter. He wanted to hold Alex, to put his hands around his waist and embrace his small body. He thought about pulling him into a hug at the end of long days. He dreamed of kissing Alex’s lips over and over again until he was breathless, and his lips were swollen and wet from all the kissing. He wanted cuddle Alex on his bed or on the couch in the night or early in the morning.

The less than pure thoughts of what he wanted to do with Alex started to fill his mind as well. He wanted to make out with him and let his lips travel all over Alex’s body to find the most sensitive areas and make sure to give those spots as much attention as he could. The rather savage part of him thought about pushing Alex down in a very aggressive dominant manner. The sweeter side wanted to just worship Alex’s body and be as sweet and gentle as he could possibly be. He wished to take Alex to all the school dances during their senior year and just dance at their own speed. He really enjoyed dancing with Alex that one time even though it was just practice. He wished to whisper sweet nothings into Alex’s ear to the point of Alex becoming shy. He wanted to make Alex blush in the most pure and impure ways he possibly could.

When he thought that he wanted to do everything with Alex he meant pretty much everything. All these thoughts that filled his mind made him even more frustrated than before. He was sitting at his desk looking out the window as he thought these things. When he thought about the more sexual stuff, he felt himself become hard. He groaned audibly from how frustrated he was as he placed his head in his arms on his desk. He couldn’t just jerk off to the thought of his best friend, right? As he continued to think about it and tried to make it go away Alex just kept popping up in his mind. Well maybe jerking off to the thought of his best friend wasn’t that horrible. It’s not like Alex had to know right? Right. Zach had his laptop in front of him and decided to pull up a picture of Alex. It was just a picture Zach took when they were hanging out once. Alex was smiling happily as Zach insisted on taking his picture. Next to him was lotion and tissues so it was obvious what he was about to do. He had his pants unzipped as he took a few deep breaths.

Just as Zach was about to start his door opened. Zach almost jumped out of his chair. The only other person in the house was his younger sister May. “May you can’t just barge into my room the door is closed for a reason!” Zach shouted as turned around to get up and close his door. The person standing in the doorway was not May though. Zach was sure once he saw the person’s face he would just roll over and die. Standing in his doorway was nonother than Bryce Walker. It seemed that May let him in since they used to be friends and he knew where Zach’s room was. Bryce took in everything and immediately knew what was going on. He was shocked at first, but that shock turned into amusement.

He chuckled making Zach that much more embarrassed. Zach was in complete and utter dismay all he could do was just stand there. He couldn’t even ask why Bryce was there nor could he even make a single sound. He just stood there absolutely humiliated. “Fuck Dempsey.” Bryce mocked shaking his head getting a kick out of the scene before him. “Does Alex Standall know you beat off to pictures of him?” Bryce questioned; his entire body language filled with amusement. “I mean fuck I didn’t know you were going full homo. Montgomery always made those fucking jokes but shit to find out that it’s real… I mean fuck man.” Bryce teased laughing. Zach sat down looking like he had just been told he was dying. He felt like he was dying of humiliation.

Bryce walked further into the room. “I mean man I am embarrassed for you.” Bryce jeered smirking as he stood next to Zach. “You would have thought Alex would at least give you better jerk off material.” Zach shook his head. This had to be a dream why would Bryce be here otherwise? Sadly, that wasn’t the case this was real, and Zach was sure he could die right there. If it was possible to die of humiliation, he would have been dead by now. “Well man as entertaining as this was, I think I will just give you this back and leave you to ponder shit.” Bryce said setting a video game on his desk. Whenever Zach’s mom got him a video game, she would label it with their last name and apparently, Bryce found it and decided to return it to Zach. Figures he would have to come at that exact moment. Well, it could have been worse; Zach could have actually been jerking off when Bryce came in. But if that happened then Zach would have to move to a different country and change his name. “You could have just been honest you were fucking Alex. I wouldn’t have judged you that much.” Bryce tormented smirking slightly. “You didn’t need to distance yourself that much.” All Zach could do was just shake his head. He felt sick. He wanted to throw up. Then Bryce continued to talk. “Alex is the bitch, right?”

“Fuck off don’t talk about Alex like that.” Zach finally responded.

“Ah, I see I struck a nerve. Noted. Well, whatever. That’s your drama man. I always thought Alex was gay anyway. I just have one kinda fucked up question. Is he loud? He looks like he would be loud.” Bryce requested smugly. Zach immediately stood up and gritted his teeth. Some fucked up part of Zach wanted to know if Alex was loud too. But he would never say anything so disrespectful aloud. And say even if he knew the answer, he would never tell another soul. That would be between Alex and him.

“I said fuck off!” Zach yelled getting more aggressive. He got in Bryce’s face ready to hit him at any moment if Bryce continued to disrespect Alex. Bryce didn’t take his threat all that seriously though.

He just snickered and looked down. “You know it is hard to be intimidating with your pants open like that," Bryce began and Zach quickly zipped his pants back up in case he had to fight Bryce. "Especially after I found you about to jerk off to a picture of your best friend or boyfriend or maybe just bitch.” He looked at Bryce with an immense amount of hate. Bryce could disrespect him hell he did all the time when they were friends, but he wouldn’t take someone disrespecting his best friend. Bryce said all of that knowing he had the upper hand.

Zach looked at Bryce straight in the eye. “He would never be my bitch.” Zach said aloud just to clear the air on that. He didn’t care what Bryce thought Alex and Zach were as long as Bryce didn’t think he was just screwing Alex. Sure, he may have wanted to do sexual things with Alex but that didn’t mean he wanted Alex to completely submit to him and be his toy. Zach would never want anyone to see their relationship in that light. Zach respected Alex and hearing someone suggest something so horrible was enough for him to lose it.

Bryce just smirked snickering a little. “You’re right he’s not broken enough for that. He still has a lot of fight in him if you know what I mean. Gotta make it more fun for you though Dempsey. The fight’s part of the fun.” Zach looked sick at that thought.

“That’s exactly something a rapist would say.” Zach said finally having the courage to address Bryce as he actually was.

“Be careful what you say, Dempsey.” Bryce warned. He had the upper hand in this fight. This would kill Zach if it got out and Bryce knew that. Bryce then calmed down and simply went back to teasing Zach. “Don’t worry man I won’t tell anyone at least not unless you give me a reason too. You understand me?” Bryce clarified Zach knew that was blackmail and there was nothing he could do about it except hope that Bryce didn’t ask for much in return for this staying between them. “Although I may tell Standall to send you better jerk off material. He works at the Crestmont and I happen to be seeing a movie right after this. I’ll mention it to him consider it a favor.” Zach felt his heart drop.

“Don’t.” Zach requested nervously. His voice changed to a more pleading one when he heard Bryce say he was going to tell Alex. “Please. Don’t tell Alex you know.” Zach really had to swallow his pride for that one, but he couldn’t let Alex find out. If Alex found out and he didn’t actually like Zach, then it would kill Zach.

Bryce nodded as he started to walk out. “Hmm, well maybe you should have thought of that before you opened your fucking mouth. Have a good day and have a good time with Standall.” Bryce said before he walked out. Zach slammed the door closed, kicked it trying to get his anger out. After a few minutes of standing there fuming Zach finally leaned against the door and just slid down it feeling dead inside. “Fuck…” He muttered to himself as he pulled his legs into his body and wrapped his arms around them. He wanted to disappear completely. The embarrassment felt unreal. It was the type off embarrassment he felt like he needed therapy for, the type of embarrassment that would keep him awake at nights. If Bryce told Alex it would be over. Alex would see him as a pervert and that would be the end of the best friendship he ever had. There would go any sort of chance he had with Alex. How could he face anyone now? He had PT with Alex tonight, there is no way he could stomach seeing him after that. Zach pulled out his phone deciding to cancel after an hour of just sitting in his shame.

**Zach**: Hey man I don't feel great today. I don’t think I can make it to PT tonight. Sorry.

After a little while, Alex finally got to him. He must have been on break and was able to check his phone. Employees kept their phones and personal items in the staff room so that they weren’t getting paid to play on their phones and also to keep it all safe from the public.

**Alex**: No worries. I hope you feel better.

**Alex**: I wanted to let you know Bryce came by the Crestmont.

Here we go. Alex knew what Zach had done or what he was going to do. Maybe Alex wouldn’t tell anyone else. Alex wasn’t really the spreading rumor type at least not anymore. He would probably keep it to himself, but there was no way he would want to continue being friends with Zach after hearing that. Zach sighed as he thought about just what Bryce would have said to Alex.

**Alex**: He said his usual gay jokes and then went to see his movie. He told me to give you better jerk off material though.

Oh, here it was. Alex was going to tell Zach that he was freaked out by what he had done. He was going to say he never wanted to see Zach again and that Zach needs to stay away. But that wasn’t what happened. Instead, there was a picture that came in. It was a picture of Alex winking at the camera with his tongue out and his middle finger up. It was definitely more scandalous than the one he originally had of Alex was just a normal photo of just Alex smiling at the camera.

**Alex**: I hope that is what he meant because Dempsey I am not sure we are at the level of our relationship yet where we can sext. Just saying.

He couldn’t believe it Alex didn’t tell him to fuck off or anything. He didn’t push Zach away. He felt better, a lot better. He even felt up to joking with Alex.

**Zach**: What not even an open shirt pic?

**Alex**: Dempsey you see my bare chest every time we do PT

**Zach**: Yeah but then I would have a picture of it ;)

**Alex**: You wish Dempsey

**Alex**: Lol, I don’t know why guys like Bryce and Monty waste their time on caring about what our relationship is.

**Zach**: Yeah you are right it’s such a waste of their own time they are idiots.

**Zach**: You know I am actually feeling a lot better are we still on for PT tonight then?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later at physical therapy, Zach was feeling much better. He didn’t feel as sick or as worried. He was worried that Bryce might tell others but right now his worries about Alex subsided. He did wonder what all Bryce said to Alex and how exactly Alex responded.

“Hey, can we talk about Bryce for a moment?” Alex asked and… the good feeling was gone. Zach nodded looking like he wasn’t worried, but his mind was racing. Fucking Bryce, Zach thought to himself. “He said that you were…” Alex began and noticed Zach gulp as he avoided eye contact. Alex sighed and shook his head. “I mean he said that he told you to send me better jerk off material too when he apparently went to return a game to you.” Alex said making Zach feel totally shocked. Did Bryce lie or was Alex lying? He couldn’t tell. Alex was great at things like sarcasm and lies.

“Oh… uhh yeah, he’s kind of a dick like that.” Zach joked and Alex juts nodded.

“So how ‘bout it Dempsey?” Alex asked with a slightly serious face.

“Huh?”

“Are you going to send me better jerk off material?” He asked and Zach was speechless. Alex then began laughing. “Jesus man it’s a joke. But then again it would only be fair I mean I set you a picture of myself you should do the same.” Alex said looking at Zach. His expression was teasing but also somewhat serious. He was right it would only be fair to send Alex something back.

“Yeah, I will definitely send you something back. It’s only fair.” Zach responded and then looked at his stopwatch.

“I finally talked to Jess earlier today.” Alex said changing the subject. Zach moved a little closer and looked at Alex trying to see how he was feeling. Zach was a little shocked that Alex even talked to her this soon. They didn’t speak for months Alex couldn’t. It would have been too painful, so he just avoided her the last few weeks of school and then didn’t speak to her over the summer. It was bad that night of the dance, basically, after everything happened with Tyler in the heat of the moment Jess and Justin kissed right as Alex and Zach were coming outside to check on Clay. They got into an argument and out of anger, Jess admitted to Alex that she and Justin hooked up in the locker room. Zach remembered how after that Alex couldn't say anything. He just stared at her and went back inside. Zach stayed by Alex's side the rest of the night not wanting to leave him alone. Alex didn't cry or scream or lash out in anger. He just existed looking numb. When they went back to Alex's house after all the interviews with the police took place Alex didn't say much. He barely wanted to do anything. All he could do was just stare blankly forward. The guilt of what happened with Hannah broke him and this set him back into a spiral of hurt and numbness. That night Zach didn't sleep well he just listened to Alex as Alex tried his best to silently cry. It didn't work. Zach rubbed his back as Alex refused to look at him or acknowledge he was there it was either of them could do. Alex couldn’t stop crying and Zach couldn’t make the pain go away. Jessica hurt Alex so bad and Zach was angry that she did that to him. It was also so painful for Zach to have to watch a person he cared about be in that much pain and there was nothing he could do to make it subside.

“She told me she was sorry for what she did at the dance.” Alex reported with a sigh as he continued to look forward trying not to show emotion. “I forgave her you know. It’s not good to hold a grudge on that stuff. It only hurts you more. That doesn’t mean I am not still a little angry because I am. I will also never look at her the same anymore. But I am not going to hold a grudge. She and Justin are now back to dating.” Alex explained. Zach looked at Alex and realized he wasn’t hurt by that or at least if he was, he was really good at hiding it. Alex did say he was over her and maybe he was. Zach certainly hoped so, but he would also understand if Alex wasn’t either. Alex did really like her. Zach cautiously asked how Alex was feeling.

“I told her I am over her. I even told her I like someone else.” Alex admitted finally looking back at Zach. Zach felt his heart speed up like it usually does when Alex says things like this.

“Oh. Who is it? Did you tell her?” Zach requested a little too desperately.

Alex continued looking into Zach’s eyes making sure not to break their eye contact as he stated. “I told her it is someone in our friend group.” Zach took a deep breath. He didn’t want to automatically assume it was him or anything, but at the same time he also totally wanted to assume it was him. He started going through all the people in their friend group. First, there was Justin, but there was no way that Justin would be someone Alex was into… right? Yeah, that was unlikely. Well next there was Jessica but that was someone he could automatically rule out. Alex is over her, so it is safe to say it isn’t her. Who else were they close to? Well, it couldn’t be Clay. He and Clay are friends but there isn’t any chemistry there. Courtney is not an option plus they aren’t even all that close. Ryan also isn’t much of an option nor is Marcus, well definitely not Marcus. Plus, Marcus isn’t close to Alex, Zach, or Jess. Ani then? No, they only talked a little during school and from what Zach knew they were more like school friends. Well, what about Tony? Could be but Tony is in a relationship and Alex and Tony don’t have much chemistry either. Sheri then? No that is quite unlikely. Well, what about Tyler they are kind of friends? But then again Alex said after what happened at the dance, he couldn’t be how he used to be with Tyler. So that isn’t likely. So, the only other person Zach could think of was himself. They were best friends; they hang out all the time. They definitely have undeniable chemistry. The only person that makes sense would be Zach.

“Ah, I see. Well, will you tell me?” Zach asked feeling very nervous. He really wanted to know if it was him or if he just gave himself a false sense of hope.

“I guess that depends.” Alex said simply making everything sound so cryptic. That depends, Zach thought. Depends on what? They were finished with physical therapy, so Zach helped Alex out of the pool. He was still very confused by what Alex meant.

Finally, once Alex was out and Zach was still in the pool it was bothering him enough to clarify. “Wait Alex depends on what?” Alex smiled a little as he looked back at Zach.

“That depends on what you do Dempsey.” Alex specified as he grabbed his cane and started to walk away towards the locker room. Zach was now even more confused. He was easily confused but this would be cryptic for anyone. It wasn’t clear what Alex meant or even what he wanted from him or expected of him.

“What I do? What do you want me to do?” Zach shouted to stop Alex from walking into the locker room.

“That should be obvious Zach.” Alex remarked leaving Zach in the pool feeling that it was absolutely not obvious. He got out of the pool and sat at the edge as he pondered things. He continued thinking about the conversation. He decided to start thinking about it in the sense that Alex did like him. What would you want if you like someone and they like you? Then Zach thought about the matter more in-depth. Maybe Alex would admit his feelings if Zach did it first. Two people that are crushing on each other have that kind of issue all the time. Who is going to make the first move kind of deal? Well then if that was what Alex wanted Zach definitely would. He got out of the pool completely now and went to the locker rooms. He rinsed off next to Alex as he started to come up with a plan of what he should do.

First, he decides he would take Alex somewhere they could talk and just hang out. He also didn’t want to make it obvious it would be a date where he would confess his feelings. He didn’t want it to be at Alex’s house nor did he want it at somewhere like Monet’s. He wanted it to be special and somewhere they wouldn’t run into anyone they knew. As he finished washing up, he went into one of the cubicles to change. They were going to Alex’s after this in the meantime he had to come up with what he wanted to do to make his first move. This would be different than what happened between him and Hannah. He wouldn’t fuck this one up. He would be clear about his feelings and he and Alex would have something really nice. By the end of the night with Alex, he had come up with a plan.

“Hey so tomorrow we don’t have PT, but would you want to hang out?” Zach asked as he was getting ready to leave for the night. He stood at the Standall’s front door as Alex was leaning on the doorframe.

Alex nodded. “Sure, my house or yours?” Alex asked.

“Umm well, I was thinking of taking you somewhere else. Would that be okay?” Zach asked as he moved closer to Alex.

Alex looked up at him confused. “Sure man. Where though?”

Zach smiled. “That’s a surprise.” Alex just simply smiled and said their goodbyes. Zach couldn’t wait for tomorrow. It was going to be great and he would treat him the way he should have treated Hannah. Alex isn’t Hannah but he wasn’t going to make the same mistake he did with her. Not now not ever. Alex would be different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This happened to be a longer chapter, but they won't all be this long. It depends on what all I am trying to cover in a single chapter and this one happened to have a lot. Either way, I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> I don't know when my next chapter will be uploaded. I have it written but the proofreading process can take a while and tomorrow my classes start. I am hoping to have it next week, but it all depends on my workload and such. Please be patient with me as I do have a lot of other responsibilities to take care of.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading hopefully if everything goes smoothly, I will have the next chapter up by next week.


	3. A Night to Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter: Zach takes Alex on a surprise date and their relationship continues to progress.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Actually there aren't any warnings just tooth-rotting fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the hiatus, I have been so busy and exhausted with schoolwork it has just been a lot. I am not giving up on this story but I do need more time to work on chapters.

It was now the day of the surprise date Zach planned for him and Alex. Zach dressed nice but still kept things looking pretty casual. He then started to gather everything he needed. He had planned things so that it was around dinner when they would hang out. He planned to take Alex to a forest preserve. There was one that didn’t have a lot of walking to get to a nice place to have a picnic. He got out a picnic basket that his family had and started preparing things. He had a few hours before the hang out/surprise date. He got a blanket for them to lay on and looked over what he would get at the grocery store.

Once he had a list ready, he went to the store. In the store, he collected the food he needed. Sandwiches were always good on a picnic, right? He got things like lunch meat and such. He then got that stupid sparkling kid wine. Alcohol and head trauma do not mix well so he got the next best thing. Plus, it was sugary, and Alex would appreciate that. He then got the usual shit like chips along with chocolate-covered strawberries. He was going to be a proper romantic this time. He then got these little candles that were battery powered so that he could put them around the place they would have the picnic. He made sure to have breath spray as he was planning to kiss Alex tonight if Alex did share his feelings. Lastly, he bought a single rose that he would give to Alex. Roses are clique and such, but it was still a sweet gesture. Hannah would probably have a problem with it, but Alex isn’t Hannah.

One he bought everything and took it all back to his house he started organizing things. He had about an hour until he would pick Alex up and he wanted to go to the forest preserve first to prepare things to surprise Alex. As he was getting everything ready May came in and scared Zach since he was deep in thought about what he was going to say. He didn’t want to mess this up and he wanted it to be a very special night.

“Do you have a hot date or something like that?” She inquired making Zach jump.

“Jesus May.” He yelled as he nearly jumped out of his skin when he was putting things into the basket. “Uh but yeah I sort of do. Can you do me a favor?” Zach asked his sister who was now helping hand him things he needed to put in the basket. “Can you not tell mom about it?” Zach asked seriously.

She looked at him confused but the nodded. She wasn’t a snitch. When her brother specifically asked her to keep something secret, she would. They were loyal to each other that way. “Sure, but why?”

Zach wondered just how much he should tell his sister. He knew eventually he would tell his sister the truth but as of right now he needed to figure things out without anyone else knowing the truth. Plus, he wanted to keep this a secret between Alex and him for the time being. “I am going out with someone I don’t think mom would approve of.”

“Ah say no more.” May said kindly. She knew her mother had unfair standards and wanted Zach to hang out with the kind of people he didn’t really want to be around. Their mother always wanted Zach to be around people that could open doors for him but a lot of times those kinds of people were terrible to be around. A lot of them just wanted to own you like Bryce wanted to own all his friends. Being loyal to someone is important but he wasn’t looking for just loyalty he was looking for total obedience. “I know how mom gets. I hope you have a good time. Do you want me to tell mom you are with Bryce or something?”

Zach shook his head. He didn’t want to even pretend to be hanging out with Bryce. “Nah Bryce and I aren’t friends anymore.”

“Oh, I thought you two made up. I thought that is why he came by yesterday.” May asked confused.

“No, he came by to give me a game back that I left at his house. But tell mom I am with Alex.” Zach said with a smile. This would not be a lie. He would be with Alex but instead of hanging out Zach would be trying to advance their relationship to the next level. Zach finished getting ready, said goodbye to his sister, and then went to the forest preserve to set things up. Not a lot of people come by at this time of the day so his things would be safe.

He arrived at Alex’s house right on time. Alex was dressed the same way Zach was he was in casual clothing that was still nice looking. Then again Alex could wear just about anything and Zach would still find him attractive. Once he pulled up to the forest preserve Alex looked at him confused. “Zach, man, you know it’s not like I can go on a two-mile walk or something.” Alex explained looking at him questioningly.

“Yeah I know we aren’t going far at all.” Zach clarified placing his hand on the small of Alex’s back to lead him to the area where he set up. He was right they didn’t have to go very far to get to where he set up. It was an open area where people could come and sit or continue on the trail. There was a small flowing rock waterfall across the path looking at the waterfall was another open place with benches and such and a very large old tree. In front of the tree was where Zach had set up the blanket and candles. Zach took Alex’s left hand and led him over to the blanket.

“Umm Zach I don’t think we can just use other people’s stuff like this.” Alex informed as Zach pulled him down to sit on the blanket.

“Good thing it’s mine.” Zach stated simply with a smile. He continued holding onto Alex’s hand.

“W-what?” Alex asked confused.

“Alex, I- I’m just going to come right out and say it.” Zach began nervously looking into Alex’s eyes as he took a deep breath. “Alex I really really like you. I think we have great chemistry and I wanted to see if we could take our relationship to the next level. I think that you may feel the same way, or at least I really fucking hope you do. I don’t know how things would go with school, our parents, and our friends but I really want to be with you.” Zach confessed. Alex was silence for a moment, but it felt like ages to Zach.

Alex let out a soft laugh and rested his forehead against Zach’s. “Took you long enough.” Alex said smiling at him. Alex planted a kiss on Zach’s nose giggling as he looked at the dumbfounded look on Zach’s face.

“Wait what?”

Alex pulled away to go back to looking into Zach’s eyes. “I mean I felt our chemistry too and I really really like you too. Zach, we almost kissed not that long ago. I wanted to tell you I liked you too but then the thing with Montgomery happened and when you pulled away from me, I wasn’t sure what to do. I mean like my family knows I’m bi, so I was already out. I didn’t tell my friends because I don’t like making a big deal about those kinds of things. Plus, I don’t want to be defined by my sexuality. I don’t want to be known as that one gay/straight kid. I guess people thought that way of me already anyway but when you pulled away, I decided I would let you figure things out on your own and then decide if you wanted to stay how we were or become something more.” Alex explained. Zach rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He did really feel bad about pulling away that day.

“I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t mean to be such a coward.” Zach said bashfully now looking down.

Alex shook his head. “I didn’t think you were a coward. I just think admitting how you are really feeling is difficult for you. But that’s difficult for everyone in one way or another so I get it.” Alex acknowledged understanding where Zach was coming from. “I really appreciate that you set all of this up for me. It’s really sweet and you went all out.” Alex beamed smiling. Zach opened the basket and gave Alex the rose. “Thanks.” Alex said kissing Zach’s other cheek. Zach touched his cheek blushing a little. “I can appreciate flowers of any kind. Um, do you have any water I can put it in.” Luckily, Zach brought a few water bottles and Alex put it in the extra water. Alex most certainly was not like Hannah, but Zach loved that a lot.

“So why don’t we eat?” Zach suggested. He pulled out the lunch meat and bread and such. They made sandwiches as the listened and watched the waterfall. Once Zach showed that he got chips Alex’s eyes lit up. With this all-natural diet Alex was on he missed junk food and embraced the moments when he could have it. Zach then pulled out two plastic wine glasses he brought for the sparkling juice. Alex laughed finding it adorable just how prepared Zach was for this date. Zach poured their wine and then they tapped their plastic glasses together to be extra clique which they found funny.

They ate their sandwiches as they talked about all different things that happened to come to their minds. Zach and Alex could literally talk about anything. That was the kind of friendship they had. It was always so enjoyable. Once they were finished with dinner the sun was beginning to set. They could see the orange glow of the sky through the trees. Zach moved closer to Alex and in turn, Alex rested his head on Zach’s shoulder.

“This was really nice.” Alex whispered. “It’s so private here. This is going to make me sound like one of those sappy people in romance movies, but it feels like we are the only two people here right now. Like on Earth. Obviously, we aren’t but it’s so peaceful. It feels like I have no worries and that it is just us.” Alex said peacefully looking at Zach. Zach moved his hand around Alex’s waist pulling him closer. Then there were also the moments of silence. The silence wasn’t awkward because silence doesn’t need to be awkward. For them it was serene, and they were silently enjoying each other’s company. It didn’t feel like every moment had to be filled with noise or talking. The sun continued to set, and it began to become darker.

Zach grabbed his last surprise out of the basket which were the chocolate strawberries. “I thought we could be all romantic and shit and you know…uhm fed them too each other.” Zach offered laughing nervously. He didn’t want to seem like he was laying it on too thick or something. “If that’s too weird or whatever it’s cool too.” Zach said not knowing how much of a romantic Alex was.

Alex laughed taking one and holding it in front of Zach for him to bite. “I’m not Hannah you know. I like roses and clique romance shit because the truth is, I’m a fucking hopeless romantic.” Alex affirmed smiling. Zach bit the strawberry as he looked into Alex’s eyes. They continued feeding each other and giggling until there were no more strawberries left. Zach fed Alex the last one and it was enjoyable for both of them. To be able to express their feelings and do cute and sweet shit for each other was quite fun for them. “That was super fucking sweet that now I think I have a cavity.” Alex said referring to how they just feed each other.

Finally, though Zach felt that it was time for the more serious part of the night. There was no use in avoiding it. To take their relationship to the next level they had to figure out just want the kind of relationship they were in. “So just to clarify then we are dating right?”

Alex sighed and shook his head. “Uh, I thought that was obvious. This is a date.”

“Yeah I know but I am trying to figure out what to label us as.” Zach said rubbing his neck nervously.

Alex looked at him. “Boyfriends. I know that has to strange for the great Zach Dempsey to have a boyfriend but,” Alex said but Zach cut him off.

“No, it’s not. Not if it’s you.” Zach professed grabbing Alex’s hand. “I have been wanting this for a while now I was just too scared of my feelings to admit it. And then we became closer and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But I also know that what I want is more than a friendship. Sure, I have never had a boyfriend before, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want one. I am just shit at labeling things.” Zach explained. Alex gave his hand a comforting squeeze.

Alex laughed a little. “That’s really sweet. The funny thing for me is I actually had a boyfriend before I had a girlfriend. It was freshman year at a different high school. It was only a few months, but I knew I was bi pretty early in my teenage life. We broke up because of the constant bullying and then my family moved early in my sophomore. You would think with a tough-guy father that he would have a problem with my sexuality. But he never did. He just wanted me to be happy. He may not understand it, but he didn’t need to you know. He respected my decisions and I think he would be happy to hear that you are my boyfriend, eventually.” Alex explained.

“Eventually?” Zach questioned.

Alex took a deep breath. “We moved because of how bad it was for me at that high school. People will always have something to say about anything. Weight, race, body type, hair color, sexuality, appearance, how sexually active you are or aren’t, the list goes on someone has an opinion about it and comments about it. People are entitled to their opinions but having to hear the comments is the tough part. So, what I am saying is we don’t have to make things public right away. I want our relationship to develop in private. It’s not a shame thing or anything like that.” Alex clarified. “It’s not even totally a fear thing. I just think our relationship would struggle if we were bullies constantly. I think we keep this between just the two of us and have it be our thing that once we are ready, we can reveal to people.” Alex suggested.

Zach moved his hand gently on Alex’s waist. He smiled at him and leaned in close. “I think is a great idea.” He turned away for a quick moment to use the mouth spray he bought earlier and then Alex took some too. They both wanted to kiss each other, and they wanted to make sure it was nice and fresh tasting. Alex put on Chapstick before he moved closer to Zach. Normally it might be a little awkward to prepare for a kiss but once they started to cuddle close it didn’t feel too strange. Zach his eyes drifting from Alex’s eyes to his lips. “Can… can I?” Zach asked nervously.

“You don’t need to ask.” Alex clarified. His eyes slowly closed, and Zach kissed him gently. It felt so nice. Alex had really soft and plump lips. Zach pulled away to look at Alex in the eye. It was now dark and all around them, people in the world were going about their business. No one knew that Zach and Alex had just become boyfriends. No one knew that they just shared their first as a couple. No one needed to know. Alex pulled Zach back into another kiss. After a few seconds of them, kissing fireworks went off. That was right today was the fourth of July, Independence Day for the US. “This is the most clique thing ever.” Alex giggled as fireworks continued to go off in the distance.

“Only the best for my boyfriend. Let’s pretend that I had that planned all along.” Zach joked.

“Aww, aren’t you sweet. Well since everyone is busy with fireworks, I say it’s safe to assume we are completely alone out here.” Alex suggested his voice low as he bit his bottom lip. Zach didn’t need anything more than that to get the hint. He began kissing Alex again as the fireworks continued to blow up in the distance. Gradually the kiss became more intense. Zach was now on top of Alex as they laid on the blanket.

It was now into the more making out category than anything. Their breathing was heavy as their lips moved against each other passionately. Zach moved one of his hands over Alex’s body as the other held him up. Alex’s good hand was around Zach’s neck playing with his hair a little. Zach’s hand moved under Alex’s shirt slightly and his head rested against Alex’s hip. He moved his thumb in gentle and teasing little circles. Alex’s skin felt fairly soft. Alex’s hand moved from Zach’s neck to his back slowly as they continued kissing. Zach’s tongue moved across Alex’s lip to deepen the kiss and show he wanted more. Zach started to move his hand up Alex’s side exposing the bare skin to the evening summer air. Alex shivered a little from the breeze but more so because to the contact. It was nice that he could feel his body reacting. He wasn’t just existing at this moment Alex was feeling everything and thus he smiled a little as they kissed.

Zach pulled back to question what he was smiling about and to give them both a minute to catch his breath. “I can feel everything you’re doing.” Alex explained.

Zach chucked. “Yeah, I hope so.”

“No, I just mean like it feels nice and I am happy that it feels nice.” Alex said looking at Zach.

Zach nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it feels great. I think by just that little bit you have me addicted.”

“We have a little more time before curfew.” Alex whispered his hand slipping to grip the front of Zach’s shirt. Alex played with the fabric a little. “We can continue making each other feel good if you want to.” Zach didn’t need to hear anymore. He leaned back down and started making out with Alex for much longer this time. Their hands traveled all over the top half of each other’s bodies. Their lips moving expertly against one another. Finally, though Zach took it one step further. His lips left Alex’s mouth and now moved to Alex’s neck. Alex let out a heavy and somewhat choked breath. Zach’s lips moved all over his neck noticing whenever Alex’s breathing hitched or when he let out any sort of sigh. He found a spot on Alex’s neck that seemed particularly sensitive and so Zach started to suck there. Alex gripped his shirt now as he squeezed his eyes shut. Alex let out a noise and Zach could confirm that Alex was indeed loud.

“Does that feel good?” Zach asked before he continued sucking and the licking.

“Y-yes,” Alex said shivering a little. “Yeah, it’s really good.” Zach smiled a little against Alex’s neck. Zach pulled away from Alex’s neck and noticed that a hickey was forming already since he left the spot red.

“Shit… uh, do you think your parents will notice a hickey?” Zach asked making Alex touch his neck as he looked at Zach angerly.

“Zach!” Alex yelled as he bolted to an upright sitting position.

Zach joined him in sitting up. “What you said it felt good? I even got a pretty sexy moan from you.” He said whispering into Alex’s ear and then nibbling there. Alex let out a strained breath. He slightly pushed on Zach’s chest.

“Not the fucking time man.” He said as he rubbed his neck pouting slightly.

“Right sorry. Well, maybe you could cover it up with makeup?” Zach suggested.

“Jesus Zach just because I am bi does not mean I have makeup lying around.” Alex said looking at him with that angry but also kind of cute expression of his. He was trying to be intimidating and there were times where he definitely was but at the moment he just looked kind of cute to Zach.

“Dude I was talking about your mom. Use her stuff.” Zach clarified.

Alex huffed looking annoyed. “Well, I wouldn’t have to if you haven’t sucked that high up on my neck.”

Zach laid his head on Alex’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. If you want, I won’t suck on your neck again.” He did feel bad that he was making Alex go through the extra effort to have to hide this.

Alex shook his head. “No, it’s fine just next time do it in a place that can be easily hidden.” Alex said which Zach took note of. “I do appreciate you making me feel good though. I guess this means I owe you one.” Alex said as he gathered his things.

Zach’s mind raced with that thought alone. Alex owing him a favor and of course because he was a teenage boy his mind went to the dirty. “Yeah, I mean whatever you are comfortable with man.” Zach said clearing his throat trying to get those thoughts out of his head. He got up and then helped Alex up. He grabbed the basket and blanket. “If you want, I can carry you.” Zach suggested. Alex rolled his eyes.

“I think I can manage for now. But don’t be surprised if one day I just throw myself you’re your incredibly sexy strong arms. You better catch me, that’s all I’m saying.” Alex joked as they walked to Zach’s car.

What Zach took away was, “You think I have sexy arms.”

“Oh my God Zach you know sarcasm and jokes are like what I live for right?” Alex responded.

“So, you don’t think my arms are sexy?” Zach questioned pouting slightly.

Alex just looked absolutely shocked that his conversation was going on. “Number one how the fuck did we get here with this conversation. And number two I didn’t say your arms weren’t sexy. All I said was that I am a sarcastic person and that should not have been what you took away from what I said.”

“So, you do think my arms are sexy?” Zach teased.

Alex groaned loudly. “You are infuriating can’t we just walk to the car.”

Zach smiled. “Well in the meantime do you want to grab hold of my sexy strong arms.” Zach teased and Alex just flipped him off. But this joke continued all the way back to his car. When Alex was back at his house Zach helped him out of the car and to his front door. Alex stood in front of the door waiting to say his goodbyes before he went in or even opened the door.

“Listen I had a really good time. I didn’t know that you were such a romantic.” Alex complimented laughing a little. “I can’t wait for our next date or even just hang out for that matter. I guess what I am saying is I can’t wait to see you again.” Alex said bashfully.

Zach smiled liking the sound of that. “Well, the night doesn’t have to be over if you don’t want it to be.” He suggested moving close to Alex. His voice was quiet and what he was talking about was suggestive.

Alex shook his head. “I would like that, but my parents are home and with the way that night went I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you.” He confessed. Zach’s heart skipped a beat.

“We could go somewhere.” Zach suggested. “We could always go take my car somewhere and you know continue things if nothing else.” He whispered placing his hands-on Alex’s waist.

“I would like that really I would but not tonight.” Alex explained. “Plus, if we were caught that wouldn’t be great for my dad. His son having sex in a car in a public setting would be bad for him at the station. And there is something to be said with prolonged satisfaction and how it is more… satisfying.” Alex breathed his lips close to Zach’s. He then slowly leaned in and kissed Zach passionately. He pulled away right as it was getting good. Zach looked at him baffled. “Always leave them wanting more.” He said giggling. “Thanks for an amazing night. I’ll see you later.” Alex said before going inside. Once Zach got in his car and started driving, he smiled to himself a little. This was certainly a night to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my classes have been really rough and they will only continue to get harder so I don't know that I will be able to keep up posting a new chapter every week. I am already beyond stressed and I don't want to add more stress to my life by giving myself a deadline for when a new chapter needs to be posted. I am sorry but, in the end, school will always come first. 
> 
> I hope you can respect that and please don't bug me about posting the next chapter because that just adds pressure to me. I appreciate when people want to continue reading but the stress I am under in my life is so extreme I can't afford to add any more. This doesn't mean I will stop posting new chapters. It just means I need more time to get them posted.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Maybe if I have time next weekend and I don't have too much homework I can post a new chapter but that is not a guarantee.


	4. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter: It is Zach and Alex's one-month anniversary and things started to become more heated.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Mature content

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had a weekend where I could take a break from homework so that I could spend time to work on this story. I am unsure of when the next chapter will be uploaded but I really appreciate everyone's patience and understanding. 
> 
> College is a full-time job and I do also have a part-time job so my free time is filled with homework, studying, destressing, and sleeping. But when I actually have time and energy, I genuinely enjoy writing for this story.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and I am sorry if there are any grammar errors.

Zach and Alex had been dating for about a month now. They mostly had their little "dates" at Alex’s house as that is where the two could be alone and not have to worry about anyone finding them or judging them. They did also go on a few more public dates as well. They went to places like the Crestmont and Monet’s as well as restaurants and such. In those more public places, they had to be aware of their surroundings and who was around them. Public displays of affection had to be kept to a minimum, but they didn’t care. The secret of it all made it more fun. No one knew, not even their families or friends, it was just between the two of them and both of them liked it that way for the time being. It was fun in a way because their friends would sometimes see them and they would assume that the two were just hanging out when in reality Zach and Alex were on a secret date. It also added to the excitement of things. Of course, though it wasn't all great. There were so many times when Zach wanted to touch Alex like something as simple as a kiss on the cheek or holding his hand and he wasn't always able to do that. So that was a big downside to the secret part of their relationship. But there were pros and cons to everything. 

Today, though was extra special as it was their one-month anniversary and they were still very much in the honeymoon stage of their relationship. It was tooth rooting sweet how affectionate the two were in private. There were even times when Zach or Alex would pull the other into somewhere private to kiss each other. It was one of the exciting parts of the secretness of their relationship. Just recently they were walking through town and Zach saw a small alleyway where he pulled Alex into and kissed him passionately. Another time Alex did that with Zach except it was when Alex was at work. He and Zach were hanging out and Alex ended up pulling Zach into the empty theater he was supposed to clean where they made out for a few minutes before his co-worker came in and almost caught them, but they managed to stop in time. So their relationship was very much so filled with passion. For their anniversary Alex and Zach both got each other anniversary gifts like new couples do whenever the love was very intense. It was a pretty normal date for them with just video games at Alex’s except this time Zach was spending the night while Alex’s parents went to visit his brother who was still at college because he was taking summer classes which made it even more special. It had been a while since they were truly alone for the night. Since Zach was spending the night and they trusted that Zach would keep Alex safe the Standall’s felt okay about leaving Alex behind.

The two just ordered pizza for dinner and told Mrs. Standall that they ate the leftovers from an overly healthy and organic meal that she prepared the night before. Alex and Zach joked about how if she ever found out that they were dating and keeping it a secret that she would be more upset that they were eating junk food on their dates than she would be about them keeping their relationship a secret. Which was probably true since she would nag Alex all the time about how bad junk food is. They weren’t that strict before his attempt on his life. In fact, they ate out a lot because his mother had to work and his dad wasn’t the best cook. He more excelled in grilling. But after Alex did what he did his mother became hyper-aware of what he was putting in his body. She figured it would help with the healing process as well as make him feel better since junk food could affect someone’s body and mood. After they finished eating the took the time to exchange gifts.

Zach went first and gave Alex a bag with tissue paper in it. Alex removed the paper to see a fluffy teddy bear which made him smile. Under the teddy bear was a cute little keychain with a metal bunny holding a carrot. Stupid adorable shit like that was something Alex grew to like after the attempt. It made him happy in the most childish of ways, but Zach loved that about him. At least he was honest about what he liked. It made getting him gifts easier and less of a worry. The last part of the gift was a bag of candy. Alex hugged Zach and thanked him for the gifts. “I know the teddy bear is a clique, but I thought of you when I saw it. He just looks so cute and cuddly like a certain someone I happen to know.” Zach said nuzzling his face into Alex’s neck.

“Yeah your right Justin can look cute and cuddly but to me, he looks more like a sad puppy than a teddy bear.” Alex said jokingly.

Zach frowned slightly not wanting to hear Alex even joke about someone else being cuddly and cute. “I was actually talking about you.” Zach said in a whisper.

Alex rolled his eyes. “No, I am more tragic, that is what makes me cute. And I am pathetic that is what makes me cuddly, but people just want to hug me and pity me.”

Zach shook his head and rubbed Alex’s back. “You’re not tragic. You’re hopeful. You’re also not pathetic I think you are stronger than anyone else I know.” Zach whispered and pulled back to look at Alex who had tears in his eyes.

“I’m broken.” Alex said shaking his head feeling like he would just have to spend the rest of his life relying on others to help him.

“We all are. But you’ll get through this.” Zach comforted looking at him seriously. Alex just grimaced. Some days were good others were really bad and it was a pretty bad day for Alex. Zach had already been told what happened. Alex went to the doctors where they said he wasn’t showing any signs of improvement and that it wasn’t a good sign. But Zach knew the doctors had been wrong before, they thought he would be bed-ridden for the rest of his. They also thought that he wouldn’t be able to talk again but that had been proven false. They thought he would have a complete personality change and while his personality did change a bit it wasn’t what they thought it would be. They thought they would be looking at a Phineas Gage situation. That was a man who survived a seemly fatal head injury but didn’t die. Instead, his personality changed completely. He became a very difficult person to be around and the doctors thought that Alex would be the same way. And yes, Alex did have his moments where he is hard to be around, but everyone has those moments. So, he may not have constant progress, but he has already come such a long way and they have been wrong before.

But to make matters worse Alex had another encounter with Monty. Monty mentioned how no one would ever want to date a cripple. Alex told Zach about his worries of it all being too much for Zach to handle but Zach promised that it would never happen. Alex wondered if Zach would get bored of him because there was so much, he couldn’t do but Zach also ensured that it wouldn’t happen. Zach could tell that Alex wanted to believe him, but he also didn’t want to let his guard down in case he got hurt. Alex felt like he had to be prepared for Zach to leave him and it hurt Zach that he couldn’t convince Alex otherwise. It was a lot to take on in one day, so Zach understood where Alex’s frustration and fears were coming from. Zach just embraced Alex close to his body. Sometimes all people need is just a shoulder to cry on and someone to be there for them. He also wanted to show Alex that he was ready to be there for him through thick and thin.

Alex’s attempted suicide and the consequences of it laid heavy on Alex’s mind which was to be expected. He sees a counselor weekly to ensure that he will never do anything drastic like that again but that didn’t mean he was just automatically going to be okay again. The guilt of what happened to Hannah and the feeling that it was all his fault broke him. Even though he doesn’t totally remember all of it he remembers how horrible he felt and how alone he was. On top of all that the attempt on his life took a lot away from Alex. It was his own fault but that was because he had no one there to show him a better way.

Suicide felt like the only option and no one knew or cared enough to see the signs. Just like with Hannah it wasn’t the sadness that killed him it was the numbness. The feeling of sinking and then drowning but somehow staying alive through it all. There was no happiness or emotion at all. He was just sinking to the bottom until he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t want to do anything he cared about anymore. He distanced himself from everyone and then got things in order before he attempted to do it. Somehow everyone missed the signs again even with all the posters, they didn’t do shit. No one did shit for Alex and the fact that he did this to himself and really didn’t blame anyone but himself was a lot for him to take on. Unlike Hannah, he didn’t say it was anyone’s fault but his own and for that, it really weighed heavy on him.

Once Alex had calmed down, he pulled away to grab a box. Zach opened the box to find two bracelets inside. They had a mental part in the front with adjustable straps that wrap around and hold the bracelet in place. On both, there were two dates engraved on them. One was engraved with Alex’s birthday, March 15, 2000. The other was engraved with Zach’s birthday, February 17, 2000. **((Note: Zach’s birthday is not revealed in the series at least not in the first two seasons. So, I just used the day Ross Butler, Zach's actor, was born and then picked out the month before March. Also, they are technically 17 as that is the age you are as a junior and it is 2017. I know on the wiki it says Alex is 18 but that literally makes no sense, because you cannot be born in 2000 and be 18 in 2017…just saying I would know being a 2000s baby myself so yeah. So, they are both 17 going to turn 18 in the next year. That also means they are technically underage since they live in California and it’s age of consent is 18.))** Alex took the one that was labeled with Zach’s birthday and he gave the one that was labeled with his birthday to Zach. Alex looked a little embarrassed as he put it on Zach’s left wrist. Zach then put Alex’s bracelet on his right wrist for him. Alex laughed feeling a little shy now that he saw them on their wrists. “Sorry if they are like embarrassing or whatever.” Alex said rubbing his neck nervously. “Or if it like weird for a one-month anniversary… shit, it probably is too much for something this early on.” Alex said looking down his cheeks red.

Zach stopped him right there before he continued to worry. “You worry too much.” Alex whispered grabbing Alex’s hand and pulling it into his lap. “I think it’s perfect.” Zach said taking his other hand to tilt Alex’s head up to look at him. He rested his head against Alex’s.

Alex laughed a little. “When did we become this couple. I used to fucking hate couples like this. But now I realize we are one of them and I kind of love it.” Alex said smiling as Zach ran his thumb against Alex’s face. Zach smiled back before he looked at Alex’s lips and then began kissing him. It started to get pretty intense pretty quickly. Zach and Alex’s moved so that they were now both laying on the couch with Zach on top of Alex. Alex’s right leg was bent so that Zach could fit in between his legs. His left leg was out of the way but not bent since he couldn’t hold it up like that. Alex’s right hand was moving all over Zach’s upper body. He moved it from his neck to his arm to his chest feeling him through the clothing.

Zach’s hand moved down Alex’s body to feel him up. As they continued to make out Zach moved his hand to Alex’s thigh. Zach listened closely to see if Alex would protest but Alex didn’t say anything. So, he slowly moved it to the back of Alex’s thigh and touched his butt a little. Once again there was no negative reaction from Alex, but Zach wanted to make sure he wasn’t making Alex uncomfortable. “Are you okay with this?” Zach asked after he pulled away slightly. He looked Alex in the eye to see if he was uncomfortable or not.

“Yeah totally.” Alex reassured and then went back to kissing Zach. But then Zach pulled away again.

“How far do you want to go?” Zach inquired his expression both serious yet a little embarrassed.

Alex looked up at him and gripped his shirt a little. “Well, why don’t we try more this time. We always keep our clothes on so maybe we try stuff without them?” Alex suggested. Zach immediately removed his own shirt which made Alex laugh. “Yeah just like that.” Zach then moved Alex’s shirt further up his body. Alex then helped Zach by lifting his body up. Once it was off both of their hands went back to feeling each other. Alex moved his hand down Zach’s pecks and abs feeling his body with a gentle touch which made Zach quiver a little. Alex had such a teasingly gentle touch that it felt nice but wasn't so gentle to the point of tickling Zach. Zach moved his hands to feel Alex’s sides and hips. He then moved his hands up Alex’s stomach and to his chest.

Because Zach was now dating a guy, he started to do research about what exactly to do with a guy. It was like he was a virgin all over again because he had to relearn how to make his partner feel good. It was all very surprising, and he and Alex would need to have a more in-depth talk about things to sort out how they wanted things to go sexually. In the meantime, he just wanted to enjoy this moment. He moved his thumbs to Alex’s nipples and started to trace around them. Alex had a deep intake of breath to show he was enjoying it. He continued doing that watching Alex for his expression and how he was feeling. Alex looked like he was enjoying it, so Zach dipped his head down to start kissing his nipples. Alex was shocked by how bold he was and then realized he needed to do more for Zach as well.

So, as Zach was kissing, rubbing, and sucking his nipples Alex moved his hand down Zach’s body to feel him more. He stopped right above his pants. He slowly moved to unzip Zach’s pants and then pushed them off. He then slowly began teasing the area above Zach’s underwear. Zach pushed his pants off his legs completely and tossed them on the ground. Alex’s hand just circled around Zach’s bulge as a tease as Zach continued to tease Alex’s nipples. Finally, Alex started rubbing Zach through his underwear and they were now both moaning and panting.

Zach removed Alex’s pants so that now they were both just in their underwear. He moved one hand back to feeling Alex’s thigh. Alex had leg hair, but it was very thin and there wasn’t a lot of it much like the rest of his body. He didn’t have a ton of really anywhere which was nice, but Zach wouldn’t mind if he did. Alex’s legs were soft and made Zach kind of want to squeeze them. He did and then moved his hand to grip Alex’s butt. His mouth moved up to Alex’s neck and then eventually back to his lips. Alex had successfully made Zach fully hard and continued to rub him. Zach moved his hand to do the same with Alex.

They continued like that for a while until finally, Zach began grinding on Alex. It felt different to grind against a guy over a girl, but it felt just as good. Alex made the first move by pulling Zach out of his boxers. He began rubbing Zach and it felt different how girls would. Because Alex is a guy, he knows what feels good, how hard to grip, and how fast to move. It felt amazing to Zach who pulled his underwear down all the way and tossed it on the ground. Zach then pulled Alex’s underwear off his body. It wasn’t as swift of a motion as it would have been with someone else, but Zach didn’t mind. He helped lift Alex’s leg as he pulled them off. He then decided he wanted to see and feel Alex better, so he sat up pulling Alex on him so that Alex was sitting on his lap facing him. Alex felt shy since he was a little more exposed this way. But Zach did it so he could see Alex better. He moved his hand to grip Alex’s butt while the other jerked him off. They both continued that way until they both reached climax. Zach shuttered and let out a groan as Alex threw his head back and moaned which was louder and more whiney than Zach's. Zach's sounds were more of a deep grunt and growls and such whereas Alex's tended to be louder in volume and higher in pitch.

Alex collapsed on Zach as they were both panting. “Well, that certainly was hot.” Alex whispered. “We are pretty sticky though. We should probably shower.” Alex said pulling back to see the sticky mess on their now soft cocks and stomachs. “Was… was it good for you too?” Alex asked nervously.

Zach kissed Alex’s lips and smiled. “Yeah it was amazing. You finally gave me that handy we joked about last semester.”

“Holy shit I can’t believe you remember that.” Alex said laughing a little.

“Of course, I would that was a fun time when he just had jokes like that and sexual tension. But this is a million times better. Not saying I wouldn’t like you if we didn’t do anything, but this was just really enjoyable.” Zach explained.

“I’m glad you aren’t as shallow as I apparently used to be.” Alex said referring to hoe he broke up with Jess because she didn’t sleep with him. He didn’t totally remember it all that well. But he heard that he did that. He felt bad that he used to be that immature.

“We’ve all done shit we aren’t proud of Alex.” Zach whispered knowing exactly what he was referring to.

Alex just shrugged and sighed. “Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, do you want to shower?” Alex asked.

Zach blinked a few times. “You mean like together?”

“Well yeah, it’s just easier.” Alex said not worried about it at all. Zach just gulped and nodded. He helped Alex get up and they walked to the bathroom. In Alex’s bedroom, they installed a handlebar for Alex to hold onto while he showered. There was also a seat as the shower was made especially for handicap people. After what happened to Alex, they had to redo the bathroom and remove the tub part of Alex’s shower. They then added the seat and grab bars so that there was a lower chance of Alex falling. He could take a bath, but it would need to be in his parent’s bathroom. Since it would be difficult for him to lift his leg, they didn’t want to keep the bathtub and shower combination.

Alex and Zach got into the shower together which was both awkward and kind of nice at the same time. Zach washed Alex’s hair while Alex washed Zach’s torso. For the rest of the shower, they just washed and dried themselves after they were done. They hung out on Alex’s bed watching movies and eating popcorn. Zach had his arm around the back of Alex’s neck as Alex rested his head against Zach’s shoulder. They were only half watching the movie so Zach thought it would be the right time to discuss things.

“Hey, so can we talk about what happened earlier?” Zach asked nervously.

Alex raised an eyebrow looking at him. “You want to talk about when we jerked each other off on the couch in my living room?” Alex asked sarcastically and noticed Zach’s serious expression and changed his tone to a more serious one. “Yeah, we can talk about it. What’s up?”

Zach cleared his throat and fidgeted a little. “Um, so I was doing research about our kind of relationship.” Zach began but stopped realizing that sounded a bit strange and he wasn’t really sure how to phrase things.

“You mean you watched gay porn. I mean good for you man way to embrace your newfound sexuality.” Alex teased.

“No, it was more like articles and stuff I was reading and I know life isn’t like a porno so that isn’t the best place to do realistic research. Plus watching someone else wouldn’t be all that appealing to me since it isn’t you.” Zach said finally turning his full attention to Alex.

“The answer is no. I will not film a porno for you to get off to.” Alex said laughing a little but then just wrapped his arm around Zach’s waist. “I’m kidding. That is really romantic and also super cheesy but totally sweet.” Alex said staring up at Zach. “Sometimes I realize just how tense you are around me. You know I’m just fucking with you. It’s just my humor. Plus, if we are talking about sex relax. I am capable of having a serious conversation with you about that stuff. It’s also just fun to lighten up the mood with my sarcastic humor.” Alex said in a more serious manner. When he joked about things like this it was just his way of expressing himself.

Zach was able to take a few breaths and calm down, so he wasn’t so nervous. “I just think it is important to talk about roles and what we want to do and how far we want to go.” Zach began. He did still find it hard to convey what he wanted to describe. “Like in research I was doing there is a lot we can do without going all the way. But I also don’t want to necessarily rule that out.” Zach explained.

Alex nodded understanding what Zach was getting at. “Before I came to Liberty High, I was so submissive on things. My first boyfriend was the stereotypical older than me, taller than me dominate boyfriend. We never had sex but if we had it was clear what my role would have been. And then everything with Jess happened and I wondered if I could also dominate too. I think with females I could play a more dominant role but when it comes to guys it is so confusing. You would think because I am bisexual that I wouldn’t be dominated by a guy because a part of me is straight but that isn’t the case. I sort of don’t mind playing a more submissive role if that makes sense.” Alex described.

Zach couldn’t help but wonder what Alex’s previous boyfriend was like when Alex brought him up. He wasn’t the topic at hand but even still Zach couldn’t help but wonder who Alex dated before him and what they did and everything. It made him feel somewhat nervous just thinking about Alex’s ex. But that would be something for a different time. He would need to hold off on the questions he wanted to ask for a more appropriate time. If he asked now, he would just be changing the subject and he wanted them to reach an understanding. Zach just shook his thoughts away. “Yeah? Really? I mean are you sure?” Zach asked.

“Yeah, I mean like I said I’ve never had sex like that before so I would need to look into it, but I think eventually that would be fine. We would need to work up to it and such.” Alex explained. “I guess I just wonder what we could even do for positions. I am going to be kinda limited and only half of my limbs really work. I just hope you don’t get bored or anything.”

“I don’t care about that kind of stuff. I just want you to be happy and comfortable. And if we are going to try to work our way up to that then I will definitely look into it more. I would never want to hurt you or be unsafe. But I can assure you I won’t get bored with you.” Zach said kissing Alex’s nose.

Alex just forced a smile. “I hope you are right.” He felt insecure about the fact that only half of his body worked which was to be expected. Most people who have a physical disability feel insecure about it. They worry people will only pity them or not want to be with them because they could be more work and Alex was no exception. He had those worries too, but Zach knew in his heart that although he may have days where it is a lot to take on that he would be loyal and that Alex was so worth it. 


	5. Adrien

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach finds that Alex is meeting with a man behind his back and does not respond well at all and Alex is keeping secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Zach is a bit of an asshole and Alex is hiding shit
> 
> Hi... so yeah I am still alive and still writing. I have actually had the next two chapters mostly written for a while. They were written about four months ago. I have been sitting on them for a while for many reasons. I wasn't sure how people would respond to a made-up character that does not exist in the 13 reasons why the universe (just so you know that the person Alex meets is not Winston or Charlie if you watched the last season you will know exactly what I am referring to). I also wasn't exactly sure where I wanted to go after that. 
> 
> Then COVID happened and believe it or not my life got even more busy and complicated. Either way, I am sorry for my absence. I saw that a lot of new people started reading and it definitely motivated me to want to write and publish again. After watching season four a lot of Zalex shippers were left wanting more so I hope my fanfiction can help satisfy that want that Zalex shippers have. It is also important to remember that I had this story started before season three came out so it does not have things like the Bryce murder, Monty's death, and the cover-up of Bryce's murder. I just wanted to remind people of this just in case people forgot. 
> 
> As always, sorry if there are any typos and I hope you enjoy!

After their anniversary Zach couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Alex said he had had a boyfriend before. This led to a conflict inside Zach’s head. He wanted so badly to ask Alex about his ex but at the same time he also did not really want to know what happened between the two. So, after some inner debate with himself Zach finally worked up the courage to ask Alex about his ex-boyfriend. Alex was super open about who his ex was but pretty secretive about what actually happened between the two. Zach could tell there were some bad memories attached to his ex due to all the bullying that happened at his old school. But what Zach did find out seemed to both make him nervous in some regard and also give him a sense of peace. What gave Zach peace was that Alex’s ex, Adrien Blanchet, was a foreign exchange student from France. What made Zach a little uneasy was how great he sounded. He spoke both English and French fluently and Zach knew that Alex found French to be a very attractive language.

Not only that but Alex did seem to have fond memories which he said were all in the past, but it still made Zach a little worried for reasons he himself did not understand. All Alex said about their breakup was that it happened due to excessive bullying and then after that year Adrien moved back to France. Zach just did not have a good feeling about the whole thing like Alex was keeping some information from Zach for some reason. Or maybe he was just paranoid, and it was all in his head. That was the outcome that Zach hoped would be the case but did not seem to be unfortunately

It wasn’t that Zach didn’t trust Alex, but he did think that something was up. He wanted to trust his boyfriend but whenever Zach asked the right questions Alex would seem to avoid telling the whole truth. Some answers were honest and truthful but others there seemed to be more behind the story. But as it turns out Zach had a right to be suspicious and curious. One day he happened to be walking by Monet’s when he saw Alex inside with some guy at a table. Alex didn’t see him, but he and the guy seemed to be having a very serious conversation. The guy also wasn’t someone Zach knew or that he had seen around school. He also looked older than Alex by a few years which was something that made Zach wonder how he knew this person.

Zach wondered if he should go in and confront them but then thought that it might draw too much attention. He found a spot where he could hide and observe them. As he was watching with a million thoughts racing through his mind Zach was startled by his friends.

“Dempsey what the fuck are you doing?” Justin questioned as he and Clay approached Zach’s hiding spot.

“Jesus dude do not sneak up on me like that!” Zach yelled as he jumped a little.

Justin looked at what he was starting at and saw that Alex was sitting with someone they didn’t know. He then looked at Clay questioningly who just shrugged not able to make much sense of things either. They both looked at Zach wondering why he would be hiding while watching Alex. It looked very suspect. Zach fidgeted in place uncomfortably as he saw his two friends make the connection of him looking at Alex and hiding. “Any reason you appear to be stalking your best friend Dempsey?” Justin continued. Luckily, they were hidden from Alex so that he couldn’t see the commotion of it all but that was the only good thing about this situation the rest was pretty horrible.

Zach started to panic a little. “What no? You got the wrong idea.” Zach said as he crossed his arms defensively.

“Then care to explain why you are hiding and watching him?” Clay asked not looking very convinced.

“Yeah are you worried Alex is going to replace you?” Justin asked mockingly as Justin looked at the man sitting across from Alex. Even Justin could tell they were having a very in-depth conversation.

“No, I’m just checking on him.” Zach said trying to get himself out of the situation he put himself in by being a nosey boyfriend. To which Clay and Justin respond by just glancing at each other in the corner of their eyes. They were such brothers sometimes that it was infuriating. They now could communicate with each other just by a single look and that bothered Zach. What did that look mean? Did it mean Zach is totally a stalker someone should warn Alex? Or was it just something as simple as okay this is kinda weird but let’s just move on? Zach couldn’t tell what they were thinking but as long as they didn’t tell Alex it wouldn’t really matter what they thought.

“Right… we will pretend like we believe you.” Justin said skeptically. “Anyway, if you want to take a break from your stalking you can come with us to the Crestmont. There is this new shitty horror movie that we are going to see.” Justin suggested.

Clay nodded as he glanced over at Alex and his friend. “You should come because it looks like those two will be there a while.” He stated motioning over to Alex and the guy as he came back with two more drinks. Zach felt his heart sink but ultimately, he agreed. It wasn’t like he could just hide here watching them until the guy left. But at the same time, he couldn’t get his mind off what he had just seen. During the entire movie he was just obsessing over Alex the whole time. Was Alex cheating on him? It was highly unlikely that he was. Alex seemed like a loyal person and he cared a lot about Zach so then what was the explanation. It was eating Zach alive to just sit in this movie theater as his boyfriend was with some mysterious guy in a coffee shop. After the never-ending almost three-hour movie had ended it was now later which usually meant a shift change at the Crestmont. He should know he dated two people that worked here.

Once he got out Justin and Clay were debating about the quality of the movie. Clay was talking about how for a horror movie it was good as it relied on suspense more than cheap jump scares. Justin said it was okay, but it could do with some more gore. Once again, they were such brothers it was disgusting. Clay was focused on the actual quality of the horror movie and the depth of it and Justin was talking about how much gore it was lacking. Zach found it a little amusing but didn’t really participate in the conversation. His mind was in other places and thus wasn’t totally there during the movie so he couldn’t really add to the conversation even if he wanted to.

As they were walking out of the entrance to that theater Zach noticed the new person working behind the counter. It was pretty empty as most of the people were leaving the theater. He looked at the guy and immediately knew where he recognized him from. He was the guy Alex was having coffee with. As they walked out, he looked at him and they locked eyes as Zach passed him, the guy stared back until Zach pulled his gaze away. So, this was a guy Alex worked with and he didn’t tell Zach he was going to meet him. Zach felt really bothered by it. As he was walking out, he interrupted Clay and Justin who were still very deep in there not even close to the same page debate about the movie. He asked them if the recognized him. They said that neither of them had seen him around and also that he looked older than someone in high school right now. It was possible he graduated but neither of them recognized who he was.

When they all went back to Clay and now Justin’s house to eat and play video games Zach wondered if Alex would be straight forward with him about it. When he got to their house, he texted Alex.

**Zach**: Heyyy I’ve missed you. What have you been up to?

**Alex**: I’ve missed you too. I haven’t really been up to much hbu?

Zach’s heart sank. It seemed like the dodged the subject. He didn’t come right out and say anything about it at all. It really made Zach worried and a little uncomfortable that he seemed to be hiding this from Zach. If it was truly nothing, then why hide it.

**Zach**: I am just hanging out with Clay and Justin playing video games and stuff. Did you hang out with anyone today?

**Alex**: Oh no one special.

Zach was now quite frustrated. Why did he keep avoiding the subject what was going on that he couldn’t tell Zach about? He wanted to try and be trusting and understanding but that was a lot to ask of him at that moment. He just wanted to be straight forward and ask Alex why he was keeping secrets.

**Zach**: But you did hang out with someone? Who was it?

**Alex**: I don’t really want to talk about it right now

**Zach**: Why surely you should be able to talk to me I am your boyfriend

**Alex**: What is this and interrogation? I said I don’t want to talk about it yet. I will tell you when I am ready.

Zach didn’t respond. He was too angry at the moment anyway that if he responded it would just be rude and he didn’t want to do that. So, he just stepped away from the situation and decided it was best not to say anything else. That night he was especially aggressive with the games as it was a way for him to get his anger out. He spent the rest of the night playing games with them until they all got too tired and fell asleep.

The next morning Zach woke up on the Jensen’s couch next to Justin who was on the floor and Clay who was curled up on a chair. He yawned and stretched. He checked his phone to see if there were any texts from Alex but there wasn’t any. He sighed and then got up to get changed and brush his teeth. He had a plan to see if that guy was there again later tonight. He knew Alex wasn’t working today so he decided that was a good way to confront the guy. Once he had a plan, he felt ready for the day.

Later Zach went to the Crestmont during a slow period. He walked in without buying a ticket since his only intention was to talk to the guy. But he also knew he needed to be inconspicuous about it, so he just said that he was looking for his wallet to the guy who was collecting tickets and he was allowed in. He walked up to the guy behind the front counter starting by looking him over. He was tall but not quite Zach’s height. He was just a few inches shorter but still taller than Alex. He was similar to Zach’s build as it looked like he exercised regularly. He was pretty attractive, and he looked charming just by the way he conducted himself. He definitely had confidence and ego. Zach could tell by just looking at him. He had that sort of smug feel to him. His hair was blonde with curls and overall, he was an attractive person. This bothered Zach a lot. Finally, the last piece of information he took in was the name tag. It said Adrien which at first didn’t seem to bother Zach that was until he spoke.

“Have you seen a wallet my friends and I were here last night, and my friend lost his.” Zach asked continuing with the lost wallet story.

“No one has turned one in. Sorry.” He said with a French accent. Zach’s eyes immediately widened. No… that was impossible. It couldn’t be. There is no way that is Alex’s ex. The chances would have to be like literally impossible. He was just an exchange student why would he come back? How popular was the name Adrien maybe he was a different French guy named Adrien?

Zach wanted confirmation though about his suspicions. “I’m sorry but are you French?” Zach asked wanting to make sure he had the facts straight.

“Indeed, I am.” He answered with a charming smile.

“Umm sorry if this is weird but you seem really familiar.” Zach said pretending like he knew him to see if he could get any more information.

“Oh, maybe we went to school together. I was a foreign exchange student in my Junior year.” He said which made Zach feel like his suspicions could have been false since Alex was a freshman. There was no way a junior would date a freshman…right? “My name is Adrien Blanchet by the way.” He said which immediately made Zach feel sick. This couldn’t just be a coincidence, right? It had to be him.

“Oh, maybe not. I go to Liberty High, so I don’t know if we went to school together. It just seemed like you looked so familiar.” Zach said as he just stared at him.

Adrien started to wipe off the counter and with a small click of his tongue just looked at Zach and said, “Right… listen, I’m into more submissive guys. Sorry, you aren’t my type. I like someone smaller and easier to dominate someone more naïve and more broken than you.” That cocky son of a bitch, Zach thought to himself. He thought Zach was coming onto him what a dick. Zach thought and then the anger immediately flared up. Someone easy to dominate? Someone naïve? Someone broken? Zach was going to kill him he was sure of this. His hand slammed on the counter it happened to be the hand with the bracelet. Adrien looked at his hand noticing that it was the same design as Alex’s things started to become clearer now.

His chin fell as he looked at the man with dark eyes. “Alex Standall is not someone you can dominate.” Zach said refraining from grabbing him at the moment.

Adrien at first looked shocked but upon hearing the name he just smirked. “Who says I haven’t already?” He questioned trying to push Zach’s buttons and it immediately worked.

Zach grabbed his shirt. Zach’s eye twitched with anger one more comment like that and this smug son-of-a-bitch was going to get his ass kicked. “Come near him again and you’ll regret it. Talk like that again and I will make you sorry.” Zach warned and then immediately let go. “That’s a fucking promise.” Zach said as he started to leave but Adrien’s voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Did you know Alex is really loud? He is also very vocal about what he likes. He especially loved to say my name. His voice will sometimes squeak and break, very cute you know. He also tends to whine a lot; did you know that?" That was it, Zach was going to kill him. He’d have to go away for murder for sure. He was going to kill him. There were too many witnesses around to get away with it but then this jackass would be dead, and it would be alright. It was worth going to jail for.

Zach’s hand immediately clenched into a fist. “You made a big mistake.” Zach said as he turned back around and punched the guy right in the face.

Adrien stumbled back and held his nose. He saw blood beginning to drip out of his nose and held his hand there to stop the blood flow. He still retained his smug looked as he stared at Zach. “Alex will be mine and there is nothing you can do about it.” Adrien yelled to provoke Zach one last time.

Zach flipped him off as he walked to the door while the other employee went to Adrien’s aid. “Watch your back asshole.” Zach warned before out of the corner of his eye he noticed Bryce Walker who always has such impeccable timing. Zach looked at Bryce who was simply just staring at him now. He didn’t feel like dealing with this. “What the actual fuck are you looking at?” Zach questioned as he passed Bryce. Bryce crossed his arms not saying a word to Zach. Great no doubt Alex would be hearing about this one if Bryce ever got the chance.

Zach walked down past a bunch of stores to just sit on a bench. His knuckles were red from the punch, but he only wished he could have punched him harder. He let out a frustrated groan feeling none of it make sense. Alex said that they hadn’t really done anything sexual so then how would he know those private things about Alex. He didn’t know what to think or even who to believe. It was all such a mess. That was when he got a text from Alex. He was worried to look at it in case it was Alex texting about how he found out what Zach just did. But Zach’s need to see what the message said overrode his worries.

**Alex**: Sorry I sort of snapped. I really want to see you still though. Are you coming to PT tonight? I can explain everything then.

**Zach**: Yeah, I’ll be there tonight

Zach needed to know what was actually going on but at the same time, he didn’t want to tell Alex that he met with and totally knocked down his ex. Zach didn’t want to seem like he didn’t trust Alex although he had a right not to be very trusting. Once it was around the time for their scheduled PT session Zach headed over to pick up Alex. It was a little awkward as it was clear Alex was waiting to explain things. Once they changed and got in the pool Alex got on his bike and started explaining things.

Zach could tell Alex didn’t know where to begin. He was just staring forward as he thought very carefully about what he was going to say. “I didn’t mean to seem like I was hiding things from you I just needed time to figure somethings out.” Alex began but paused to gather his thoughts and figure out how to present what he wanted to say. “My… ex came back. He is apparently doing a semester of college here. He texted me to meet up with him and we had a lot of unfinished business. I should have told you, but I didn’t want you to worry and I really needed to talk to him alone without anyone knowing. So, we met up at Monet’s.” Alex said his voice quiet and filled with shame that he kept this from Zach.

“What happened?” Zach questioned getting back to the point. He tried his best not to sound accusatory or anything, but it was difficult. Alex lied about sleeping with his ex when he didn’t need to and that really bothered Zach. What happened in the past is in the past but at least be honest about it, Zach thought to himself.

Alex could tell Zach was angry and he knew he had a right to be. It still made Alex shift uncomfortably showing he didn’t like the tension but there was nothing he could do to alleviate it. “Nothing happened we just talked for a few hours. I had to fill him in about why I was crippled, and he filled me in on his life. He said he has a girlfriend back in France.” Alex went on but this made Zach very confused. When they talked it seemed like he was obviously going after Alex, so who was lying? “We then talked about what happened between us and why we broke up.” Alex explained. Zach just nodded waiting for him to get to the details. “Well the reason we broke up was more than just the bullying. He is older than me and at the time dating someone older than me was huge especially because I was a freshman. He tried to pressure me into doing things and some of the things I did cave into doing for him.”

“What things?” Zach interrupted his voice distant and cold.

Alex looked down nervously. “Well, he had me…” Alex stopped and cringed at the thought of telling Zach. “Do you really want me to say?”

“Yes!” Zach yelled raising his voice and making Alex flinch.

Alex turned his head away. “Well, he had me blow him a lot. Even when I wasn’t totally into it. We never had full-on sex. Most of the time I didn’t get much out of it.” Alex explained.

Zach scoffed. “Bullshit!” Zach said aggressively unable to stop himself.

Alex looked back at Zach shocked that he would say something like that. “Excuse me?” Alex questioned aggressively.

Zach was surprised that he said that himself. He decided it was best to keep their meeting on the down-low. “You’re hiding something else from me.” Zach accused. “He did things to you what were they?”

Alex looked a little hurt but just continued on. “He just… all he did was finger me and touched my chest and butt a lot. I mean he treated me a lot like a female which was bothersome, but that is all.” He looked embarrassed having to admit these things aloud.

Zach looked at Alex bitterly in a way Alex had never seen him look before. “And you expect me to believe you two didn’t have sex?”

Alex’s lips quivered and his eyes filled with unexpected angry tears. He couldn’t believe Zach didn’t believe him. His voice shook with hurt and anger. “Y-yes. You don’t believe me? I didn’t lie. I said we never had sex. We did do sexual things, but we also broke up because all he was interested in was sex and it was never enough for him. He didn’t care about me, not really. All I was, was a long and difficult conquest. But most of the time it was me doing stuff for him. Then when we were bullied, he threw me under the bus. I can’t believe you don’t believe me when I am telling the fucking truth!” Alex yelled as his hand hit the water out of anger.

“That’s the problem is that you aren’t telling the ‘fucking’ truth.” Zach accused as he placed the emphasis on the word fucking to mean Alex was hiding that he had sex with his ex. Alex shook his head as now the tears began to fall from his eyes. “Don’t play the victim.” Alex couldn’t even look at Zach at the moment. He just turned his head away as he sobbed angry and frustrated tears. Zach moved to the edge of the pool and got out.

Alex turned to him his voice still shaking. He got off the bike as best he could without falling. “You- you can’t leave me here.” Alex said hiccupping a little.

“I don’t know go ask your fuck buddy to get you out.” Zach said starting to walk away.

“Zach Dempsey, you of all people should know what words and actions can do to a person!” Alex yelled referring to Hannah which made Zach stop dead in his tracks. “You’ll never be able to take them back. If you leave, you’ll never be able to take that back. Is that what you want Zach?” He looked down at his bracelet and decided not to do something he couldn’t undo. Zach took a few deep breathes and started to calm down. He got back in the water watching as Alex continued to sob. All he could think was that he did that to his boyfriend. He made his boyfriend cry like that because he didn’t believe him.

Zach placed a hand on Alex’s back who pushed him away angrily. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I guess when I saw the two of you together and everything it really messed with me. I know I can’t take back what I said, and I am so sorry I even said it.” Zach said his voice low and calm and filled with regret. He was sincere and genuine. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” He whispered pulling Alex into a hug. This time Alex didn’t pull away. “I forgive you.” Alex muttered his voice trembling as Zach held him. This was their first big fight, but it ended with forgiveness. Unfortunately, Zach couldn’t take back the things he said. He just hoped that it didn’t bother Alex too much. Zach wiped Alex’s eyes and kissed him gently. They could move past this bump in their relationship and things would be alright, Zach knew it had to be. They were each other’s everything after all.


	6. Not Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach gets in a fight with his mom and Alex is there to comfort him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Nothing that I think would be upsetting to anyone is in this chapter. 
> 
> Hi all, I don’t really have much to say about this chapter, to be honest. It is a pretty wholesome chapter overall and I hope you guys enjoy the fluff. I also wanted to say I absolutely love reading the comments. As a writer, you can sometimes feel demotivated especially when you have other responsibilities and you would rather spend your free time relaxing. But reading the comments and seeing that people are enjoying this series definitely helps my motivation. I will also try to comment back if I remember to do so to say my thanks to you for reading and leaving a comment. I am very sorry if I do forget to respond though, I am really bad at remembering to message back haha.
> 
> Overall, I wanted to thank everyone who reads my story, leaves kudos, and comments. All of that helps me feel more motivated to write and get more chapters out. So, thanks again for reading, liking, and commenting! Couldn’t do it without the support. As always, I am sorry if there are any typos and I hope you enjoy this chapter because spoiler shit hits the fan soon (sorry not sorry) lol enjoy!

It was close to the end of summer vacation. There were parties planned for their senior year celebration, but Zach didn’t know if he would go. Alex wasn’t much of a party person but he kind of liked them. Still, it wasn’t like they could just go to a party together. They were still keeping their relationship on the down-low. It would be nice if they could go but that also probably wasn’t the best idea for Alex’s health either since there would be alcohol and everyone drinks at a party. It would be nice to go with Alex and just hang out, shoot the shit, and see their other friends there. But that would be the least of Zach’s concerns.

That day Zach found out some big news. When he was out walking around, he walked past one of the fancy restaurants and saw his mother out at dinner with a man. When he saw her, he was sure that they were just co-workers or something but then he saw that they were holding hands. It angered him so he barged in the restaurant. He walked past the front desk straight to his mother. He hadn’t had a plan of what to say or even do all he knew was that he needed to talk to her.

“Mom!” Zach yelled aggressively as he approached their table. “What the hell?” He asked looking at his mother who was shocked by Zach’s aggression and entrance.

“Zachary Shan-Yung Dempsey do not take that tone with me.” His mother said standing up to confront her very angry son.

Zach looked at the man and then back to his mother still unable to believe she would be on a date. He didn’t even know totally how it made him feel all he knew was that he was angry and wanted an explanation. “Are you on a date?” Zach asked his voice demanding.

His mother crossed her arms. “Zachary I am a grown adult. I can do what I like. You are the child you have no right to come in here and demand answers from me like that and frankly, that isn’t any of your business.”

Zach looked shocked and scoffed. “Not my business? Are you kidding me it’s been a year since Dad died and this isn’t my business? You never talk about him ever. You act like all the memories and feelings had to die along with him and then you go on a date when it’s only been a year. Do you get that mom, he just died and all this time you pretend like he didn’t even exist?” Zach yelled drawing all the attention of everyone in the restaurant.

Karen Dempsey looked around noticing all the attention he was drawing and tried to deescalate the situation. “Zachary Dempsey you are making a scene. Now you need to calm down and we will discuss your behavior later.”

Zach scoffed taking a step back. “My- My behavior are you fucking kidding me?”

Karen's eyes were wide from the shock that her son just swore at her in front of everyone in this very fancy restaurant. “That is it young man you are going straight home and we will discuss your punishment then.” She said grabbing his arm to bring him out of the restaurant.

“How long mom?” Zach asked demanding an answer. Karen Dempsey sighed and tried to take him out of the building, but Zach refused to move. “How long?” He asked again raising his voice this time.

She finally let up and looked at her boyfriend. “Five months.” She answered.

“What the fuck.” Zach couldn’t believe it. Five months. She barely even mourned and worse yet she kept it from them. All those business dinners and trips she was out visiting him.

“Zachary you are going home right now, and we will discuss your manners when I get home.”

Zach pulled his arm away from his mother and slowly backed away from her shaking his head adamantly. “No, we won’t because I am not going home tonight.” Zach informed before he turned on his heel and walked out the door.

His mom followed him all the way to the exit but no further than that. Zach got in his car and headed to the Crestmont to see Alex. He knew that Alex was working, and he just needed to see someone. He couldn’t be alone, and Alex always had a way of making him feel better. Once he pulled up, he got out of his car telling the people at the front that he had to see his friend. He came up to Alex who was working behind the counter.

“I need to talk to you.” Zach said his voice desperate to talk to someone.

“Well hello to you too.” Alex began but then looked at Zach’s face and nodded changing his tone from a sarcastic one to a genuine one. “My shift ends in like twenty minutes. Are you able to wait?” Alex asked knowing that Zach was seriously upset and wondering if he could wait.

Zach agreed and then as he was starting to calm down, he heard Adrien’s voice behind him. “Are you trying to get my co-worker to ditch me?” He asked as he walked behind the counter to Alex’s side. Alex looked away feeling a little awkward.

“None of your fucking business.” Zach growled as his fists clench.

Adrien looked at smug as ever which really infuriated Zach. “Fine then. Well if you aren’t going to purchase something get out.”

“No, he can stay.” Alex insisted looking at Zach knowing he couldn’t be alone at the moment. He was also trying to deescalate the situation as much as possible but that was difficult; the tension could be cut with a knife.

Zach looked at Adrien knowing he won that battle. “Thanks Alex.” Zach said just to rub it in more. “By the way can I stay over?” He asked looking right at Alex.

“Yeah sure. I was going to ask if you wanted to since my parents are going out later tonight.” Alex informed Zach who looked directly at Adrien.

“Sounds great.” Zach said happily as he and Adrien had a complete stare down. Not only was he dealing with his mother now he was also having to deal with Adrien as well as making it up to Alex for being a huge dick to him about Adrien. After that day Zach made Alex cry things were a lot different. Zach promised he would be more trusting of Alex but at the same time Adrien was still after Alex and it made him worry a little… or a lot. Whenever Alex went to work, he couldn’t help but wonder if Adrien was going to try anything. Alex told Zach that they worked together, and Zach kept their little showdown a secret, and apparently so had Adrien. It had benefited Adrien to keep it secret as well since he was after Alex and he wanted to do things more subtly. During the last twenty minutes of Alex’s shift, Zach felt himself become angrier and angrier.

“So, I hear you high school students at Liberty like to party there is one next week, right?” Adrien asked and Alex confirmed it. “Well if you would like to see what a real party is you should come to the college parties. Those are wild and they can be a real fun time if you know what I mean.” Zach felt his eyebrow twitch in anger.

Instinctively Zach responded for Alex. “Alex isn’t into parties.” Alex looked at him shocked by his boldness.

“Actually,” He began looking at Zach. “I don’t like parties all that much but every once in awhile, they are fun.” Alex explained not really appreciating the fact that Zach answered for him. He felt that it wasn’t Zach’s place to answer and that he was bothered by it.

Zach looked absolutely dumbfounded by Alex’s response. That was the last thing he was expecting Alex to say. “Well of course not because who doesn’t like a bit of wild fun every now and again?” Adrien said in a bit of a whisper to Alex. All Zach wanted to do was punch Adrien and take Alex out of there. He was also a bit annoyed that Alex was engaging in this flirting with his ex. Or at the very least Alex wasn’t turning him down and that bothered him. “He might not understand your needs.” Adrien continued.

“But Zach and I have fun though.” Alex negated that claim that Zach didn’t understand his needs.

“Oh yeah, but do you have wild fun?” Adrien asked looking at the two of them. They were both silent and looked away. “Hmm, what a shame. We certainly had some wild fun before Alex.” Adrien said moving his hand to Alex’s waist. Alex looked down for a moment to avoid eye contact with Zach. He then cleared his throat and said that his shift was up. He walked away to the break area to change and grab his things.

Once Alex was out of earshot Zach looked at Adrien with eyes that could kill. “If you touch him like that again I’ll break that fucking hand.” Zach warned.

“Zach was it?” Adrien asked not expecting an answer. “Well, it sure is a shame you aren’t hitting it right. You know he likes it rough and you obviously can’t provide what he needs.”

Zach scoffed. He was already having a bad day and this guy was certainly making things worse. “Fuck you asshole don’t ever talk about Alex like that again.” Zach said not wanting to wait for Alex any longer. He went straight to the room where the employees kept their stuff on shelves, and it was also a place where they could get changed. Zach came in since Alex hadn’t locked the door. Alex was shirtless and startled by Zach’s presence.

“Jesus Christ!” Alex jumped a little. “You scared me.” He informed and Zach just closed the door behind him and then locked it so that no other employees could enter. Alex noticed that. “Are you going to try and seduce me or something?” Alex asked joking a little. Zach didn’t answer and instead approached Alex. He placed his hands on Alex’s bare waist and gently pushed him against the wall. Alex didn’t say anything he just responded by moving his hand to Zach’s neck. Zach kissed him passionately unable to wait until they were back at Alex’s. It was very intense and hot. Zach pulled away and began kissing down to Alex’s neck and chest. “Oh, shit you are trying to seduce me.” Alex joked breathlessly. Zach moved his hands to Alex’s belt, but Alex’s hands stopped him. “Not… not here.” Alex said seriously. “We can talk and then we can-”

But Zach cut him off. “I don’t know that I want to talk.” He said in a whisper as he looked into Alex’s eyes. “I just want you.” He continued his voice low but also had a hint of neediness to it. He was serious as he looked at Alex with a look that resembled something close to loneliness.

Alex stared back into Zach’s eyes. His hand gently playing with the hair on the back of Zach’s head in a comforting way. “Well, I guess we will see how you feel once we get to my place.” He said before giving Zach a gentle kiss. He pulled away and started to dress and then gathered his things. He put it in a bag over his shoulder, took his cane, and then held out his left hand as best he could for Zach to take. Zach grabbed his slightly raised hand and noticed Alex could grip it. “I wanted to show you my grip is starting to kind of come back.” Alex explained with a smile. “It isn’t what it used to be, but I can hold things for a lot longer and I have a tighter hold of things.”

“I’m very happy for you.” Zach said with a smile and he and Alex checked to see if the coast was clear for anyone, they knew. When they saw that no one they went to school with were there they walked out holding hands. Once they walked past Adrien Zach just smirked smugly and then flipped him off when Alex wasn’t looking. Zach took him and Alex back to Alex’s house and the sexual tension inside the car during the ride was unreal. At first, Zach wondered if he was just misinterpreting things but one look at Alex and he knew. Alex looked nervous since they had been talking about going all the way for a while now, but they didn’t do anything more than handjobs plus they didn’t always get a lot of alone time. It felt like it could be right to progress things soon and tonight felt like that night, but first Alex wanted to know why Zach was so upset earlier. This entire day Zach ignored his mother’s calls and texts. The two went to Alex’s bedroom and shut the door even though no one was home, and they had a few hours until anyone would be home.

Alex asked what happened and Zach knew that it was probably best to vent and not hold it in. Plus, Alex was willing to listen, and it would be healthier for Zach to have this off his chest. He sighed. “Well, my mom is dating again even though it’s only been a year since my dad’s death. Not only that she has been keeping it from me for months.” Zach began. Alex placed his hand on Zach’s to comfort him. He could tell that this upset him more than Zach could even explain. “She barely let me, or May, even feel anything for his death. And yeah while it wasn’t a surprise death it was still the most painful thing of my entire life. It’s like he didn’t even exist.” Alex listened thoughtfully as he gently ran his thumb across Zach’s hand. “We got to say goodbye and everything but that doesn’t mean I am just going to be okay with my dad dying and my mom moving on so quickly. I want my mom to be happy, genuinely I do but this is just too soon. They were married for twenty years and she didn’t even wait a fucking year.” Zach said his voice shaking with hurt and anger.

“Zach I can’t even image what this feels like but maybe you should talk to your mom about it and tell her how you feel.” Alex suggested his voice gentle and not preachy. He knew that Zach knew that, but he also knew it wasn’t that easy. “If nothing else it will help you feel better to open up to her even if she isn’t understanding.” Alex continued.

“I wish she would let me open up. That is part of the problem emotions just aren’t allowed. Anything that isn’t automatically an okay emotion we can’t express it. Even if I do talk to her and I will she won’t be understanding. She never is.” Zach explained. “I told her I wasn’t coming home tonight. I couldn’t. I don’t want to talk to her right now.” Alex nodded in understanding. “I know that this probably makes me a hypocrite because I am in a secret relationship but there is a big difference. It’s not like I am the one that lost a husband of twenty years. She moved on too quickly and then kept it from us.”

“Maybe she kept it a secret because she knew it would upset you.” Alex proposed. “I don’t know that the intent was malicious.”

Zach sighed and nodded. “I know you are right, but it doesn’t change the fact that she moved on too quickly.”

“I understand,” Alex said his tone soft and sympathetic. “I can understand why you are upset, and I think it’s okay that you are. Negative emotions are a part of being a human and being alive and they are something you need to express, or they will eat you alive. Trust me I know.” Alex said turning his head away. As he did Zach could see the scar on the side of his head from the bullet. Alex’s haircut didn’t hide it. It was the same cut he had for the dance and it suited him, but it was a constant reminder of what he did. “I am just saying you have a right to feel the feelings you have. They are your feelings and there is a reason you are feeling them. Even if your mom doesn’t take into account your emotions just putting them out there can help you feel better. If nothing else, I’ll listen.” Alex said giving a sympathetic smile. Zach smiled back and kissed him.

“Thank you. I was just so upset earlier, and I knew I needed to see you and then your fucking ex just made things worse. I know that isn’t your fault though. He just fucking irritates me. He’s a bit of a jackass.” Zach said laying back on Alex’s bed staring up at the ceiling.

Alex stayed sitting up and agreed. “I know he can really get under people’s skin. But he is harmless. He is French so he flirts with literally everyone. He used to do it when we were together too. So, trust me I get it. But you don’t have to worry I am over him. I have been over him for years now.”

“I trust that you won’t do anything, but I don’t trust him.” Zach explained. Alex moved to push Zach down so that he was laying on the bed and then placed himself onto Zach’s lower half of his body. He undid his pants looking up at Zach seriously.

“I can handle myself.” Alex said brushing off the possibility that anything could happen. He then looked up at Zach with total bedroom eyes which made Zach feel pretty hot. “I can also handle you, so I am going to show you the kind of loyal and highly generous boyfriend I am.” Alex said suggestively. He pushed Zach’s shirt up and then began to leave kissing and marks on his chest and abs and more during that time his hand slowly moved against the fabric of Zach’s underwear. He pushed Zach’s pants off completely and continued to stimulate him. Zach watched surprised by Alex’s boldness. “Can I ask you something?” Alex asked Zach and nodded. “Is it true that before we were dating you had or were going to jerk off to my photo?”

Fucking Bryce, Zach thought to himself. He felt himself become embarrassed and blushed as a result. He also looked to the side to avoid Alex's eyes as this was just too embarrassing. They used to talk about this stuff before they were dating but it wasn't like they talked about how they almost beat off to a picture of the other. That was just on a whole other level of embarrassment. “Yeah, I was going to, but Bryce came in.”

“He told me that day and I lied to you about what he said to me. I didn’t know if it was true or not. But truthfully you looked really nervous when I was about to ask so I decided not to ask.” Alex explained.

“I’m sorry.” Zach said bashfully as he looked away.

Alex blinked and tilted his head to the side looking confused as to why Zach would apologize about something like that. “Are you fucking kidding? The fact that you even think about being with a skinny broken guy like me makes me super elated.” Alex sighed looking down in an unconfident way.

Zach sat up a little. “You know you're fucking sexy right?” Zach asked.

“Okay, now I know you are lying to me.” Alex said avoiding eye contact. Zach didn’t know Alex felt this insecure and that his self-esteem was this low.

“Alex,” Zach said getting his attention. “You know you are all I jerk off to anymore. I think about being with you a lot.” Alex shook his head. Obviously, he wasn’t aware of that fact, but he also had a hard time believing it was true.

Alex exhaled deeply. “You know you don’t have to lie to me to make me feel better.” Alex lamented his voice unconfident and quiet. Zach wasn’t aware that Alex even felt this way about himself. He didn’t know that Alex would be this insecure because he didn’t feel like he had any reason to be.

He grabbed Alex’s hand sitting up a little. “Alex I wouldn’t lie to you. I am serious. I do genuinely think about being with you.”

“If that were true how come you haven’t made a move to try to go all the way with me?”

Zach was shocked. “I didn’t know that you were okay with it yet.” Zach explained and Alex finally understood that he was misinterpreting the situation. “I wanted to, but we didn’t have a lot of time to ourselves and I didn’t know if you were ready or not.” Zach continued.

“Oh, I see.” Alex began as he looked like he was deep in thought. “I… um… We have some time before my parents come home. Would you want to try tonight?” He asked nervously.

“Of course, I would love to try.” Zach said smiling in a comforting way. Alex moved to grab a shoebox under his bed. At first, it looked like it was just a normal pair of shoes but inside the shoes was where Alex hid some of the things, he definitely did not want his parents to find. He had condoms and lubricant inside the actual shoes. It was a creative way of hiding things because it did not look suspicious. Once Alex had what he needed he put everything back in its hiding spot and got back on the bed. Zach pulled him on top of himself and then began kissing Alex very passionately. Zach found it pretty sweet and cute that Alex had actually prepared everything for this to happen and that he had his own creative way of hiding it from his parents. As they kissed Alex’s hand went back to rubbing Zach. When Alex was doing that Zach began kissing at Alex’s neck. He made sure to leave marks in places that could be easily hidden. By now Zach was completely turned on and wanted to touch Alex more.

That was when he thought back to what Alex’s ex said about Alex liking it rough and not only did Zach want to see if it was true, but he also became filled with a sort of possessiveness. He placed his hands on Alex’s waist and pushed him down sort of aggressively. He moved on top of Alex and continued kissing Alex’s neck. Alex didn’t protest or even show that he was opposed to his aggressive nature. He then started to bite, and Alex responded with a moan. To Zach that meant that Adrien was right. That also meant that Adrien really did do sexual things with Alex. He knew that they did since Alex admitted to it but part of him didn’t want to believe it. Zach pulled off Alex’s shirt and went to kissing his chest and nipples to continue to stimulate him. He did this all while Alex was rubbing him. Zach started sucking and gently nipping at Alex’s now hard nipples which made Alex react quite nicely.

“Zach that feels good.” Alex informed Zach breathlessly.

“Yeah what your doing is great too.” Zach agreed as he sort of ground down into Alex’s hand. Alex continued rubbing for a bit before he took off Zach’s shirt completely and then Alex’s pants. Zach moved to grind against Alex as they went back to kissing. Alex’s hands were moving up and down Zach’s back as they continued to sloppily make out. They were both very turned on by this point and ready to progress into something more intense. Alex took Zach out of his underwear and began to jerk him off. Zach removed his underwear completely. He then pulled on Alex’s and started by jerking him off for a moment before his hand moved downwards. “Um well, I’ve never done this before. I read some stuff on how to do it but how do you like it?” Zach asked sort of awkwardly.

“Well, you start with this.” Alex informed as he grabbed the lube. “You put some on your fingers and start with only one and then work up to three basically.” Alex explained. “I’ll tell you if you are doing something wrong. You’ll know if you are doing it right.” Alex explained hinting to the fact that he would be moaning if he was enjoying himself thereby meaning that Zach was doing it right. Zach did exactly what Alex told him, and Alex moved his legs so that they were bent and further apart. Zach started by rubbing Alex’s entrance gently to stimulate him before he pushed one in all the way. Alex then instructed that he could move it in and out a few times before he pushed the next one in. That was exactly what Zach did and then put the second finger in. Alex continued rubbing as Zach thrust his fingers in and out. Alex began to react slightly from Zach’s movements.

Zach finally put in the third finger which made Alex wince. Zach slowed but after Alex was used to it, he when back to thrusting them inside making sure the focus on the spot that made gay sex just as fun for the bottom as the top. That was when Alex began to moan even more. Alex moved to kiss at Zach’s neck as they both continued to stimulate each other. Alex started leaving his own marks on Zach’s neck and collarbone. “Is… is it good?” Zach questioned feeling a little nervous.

“Yeah, it feels good,” Alex reassured. “We can move to the next part.” Alex said his voice quiet and sort of shy. Zach nodded and first placed a condom on before he made sure to apply lube to himself and Alex. He knew that since there was no worry of pregnancy or STDs that it was something to help with the cleanup part after sex. He placed himself in between Alex and then slowly pushed in. Alex winced and then wrapped his arms around Zach’s neck pulling Zach close. Once Zach was all the way inside and Alex was adjusted, and okay Zach started to gently thrust. He kept up a slow place for Alex’s sake until Alex told him he could move a bit faster. “Mm… Zach harder~” Alex’s pleasured voice said in a whisper.

Zach started thrusting at a harder faster pace. He watched Alex’s pleasured face finding himself feel even more turned on by his expression and sounds alone. They continued like this for a while. At first, it was a little awkward as neither of them really went this far with another guy before. But once they stopped worrying and got into more of a pattern of what the other liked it got better. Zach made sure to thrust into that spot that drove Alex nuts but in the best way. Alex moved his hands all over Zach’s body and kissed his neck which made Zach feel even better. Zach moved his hands to Alex’s legs and pushed them up so that they were now wrapped around his waist which made the position more intimate.

As he looked down at Alex, he really found that he was enjoying the sight quite a lot. Alex’s face was flushed, and his eyes were half-open. He had a bashful expression when Zach looked at him. His shoulders were pushed close together and his mouth was open as he panted and moaned. Whenever Zach did something that added more pleasure to the experience Alex’s voice would hitch and his back would arch. He would also sometimes scratch at Zach’s back a little. That was when it really set in for Zach; although Alex’s ex did do some sexual things with Alex, they never went all the way before, so this was Alex’s first time like this with someone. It made Zach pretty happy at that thought. After a little longer, Zach finally felt pretty close. His movements sped up and both of their sounds increased in volume. Alex came with a loud groan which caused his muscles to tighten around Zach sending him over the edge. They both road their orgasms out and Zach then collapsed on Alex panting.

Alex still had his arms wrapped around Zach as they came down from their high. He kissed Zach’s neck in a loving way. Zach pulled the condom off and then cleaned up his and Alex’s chest off with a tissue and tossed both in the trash, He then pulled the covers back over the two of them as he continued to lay on Alex’s chest. Alex ran his fingers through Zach’s hair as they sat there just enjoying the aftermath of that experience. Finally, Alex broke the silence.

“That was nice.” He said in a pleasant and satisfying voice. Zach agreed kissing Alex’s chest gently. “I… um… I hope you aren’t like bored with me or anything. I… like don’t wanna just sit there like I am dead or anything.”

Zach looked up at him with a confused expression. “Bored? That was amazing I don’t know what you are talking about. And plus, you didn’t just sit there. You were touching and kissing me which was good. Side note, the scratching, really sexy. You need to stop worrying.” Zach reassured Zach said moving his fingers gently across the skin of Alex's hip in a comforting way.

Alex faltered quietly. “I just… I just wonder if I’ll ever be enough for anyone.” He said it in such a low and uncertain voice that if Zach wasn't listening so intently he would have missed it

“You are alive Alex. That is enough. The fact that you can even function is a miracle. I don’t need to have sex with you to feel fulfilled. Of course, it is nice but just because you have certain limits doesn’t bother me.” Zach declared his voice strong in nature to show that he was not going to back down from what he said and that he could say with absolute confidence that so long as Alex is alive and mostly alright then that was all Zach could ask for.

Alex thought for a moment. “I know that position can be boring for people, but we can try others too. I mean I don’t know how strong I will be for certain positions but even still we don’t always have to do that. I can also, you know, blow you too if you would find that more fun.” Zach couldn’t understand why Alex was being like this. No matter how many times he told Alex that he enjoyed himself Alex insisted that he could do more for Zach. Finally, it clicked. It was Adrien. Alex once said that no matter what Alex did nothing was ever enough for him. Adrien being the way he was made Alex feel like he was never enough. That kind of conditioning for behavior doesn’t just go away. That could also provide more of a reason for what Alex did with Jess and Hannah a while back. When Alex refused to have sex with Adrien, Adrien turned against him and let Alex be bullied at his old school. It was just like the situation with Jessica and Hannah. He first saw that behavior with his ex and thus mimicked the same behavior. And now he is thinking that he isn’t satisfying enough for Zach. Fucking Adrien, Zach thought to himself.

“You know I am not him, right?” Zach said seriously sitting up looking Alex in the eye. Alex’s breath seemed to get stuck in his throat. He didn’t respond. “I enjoyed it and I am fine with moving at our own pace. Sex isn’t the only thing about our relationship. I also don’t want you to think you aren’t good enough because you are more than good enough to me. To me you are extraordinary.”

Alex seemed to be processing what Zach had said as he just stared looking baffled. For a good chunk of Alex’s life, he never felt happy or content or good enough. And even though he survived it was hard for him to feel happy about himself especially now that he was handicap. It was strange for him to have someone tell him that he was extraordinary. He barely knew how to process that kind of compliment. Alex moved to place his head on Zach’s chest. Zach responded by placing his arms around Alex to comfort him. A small thank you escaped from Alex’s lips and it sort of broke Zach’s heart. It would take a lot of effort and time to undo this kind of damage done to Alex’s self-esteem, but Zach knew he would be there through it thick and thin he didn’t care. Alex needed to know that he was a million times better than he gave himself credit for. If that took Zach telling him how amazing he was every damn day Zach would do it happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as I mentioned in the first note the next couple of chapters get pretty difficult at times. I have them ready, for the most part, but I also wonder how people will feel with darker content. The series itself deals with a lot of dark stuff already and I want to write about these darker topics in the most respectful way possible. I will, of course, include content warnings and I will even place a warning right before the scene takes place with a summary of what occurred in case you want to skip. But if you all feel that the dark content should not be released then I won't release it. I want to bring entertainment and deeper content while being respectful of people's feelings. If you have an opinion leave it down in the comments and I will make my decision based on that. The next chapter isn't difficult but is a set up for the next couple of chapters which means if you all feel that you would not appreciate dark topic being covered I will need to rewrite the next four chapters. I am under the assumption that people will be okay with darker topics since that is what 13 reasons is about but in case you aren't, I just want to hear what my readers are thinking. Please let me know your thoughts! Thank you for reading.


	7. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School has started back up and Zach and Alex are still going strong with their secret relationship and are as hot and steamy as ever. There is something that is slightly unsettling for Zach which is Alex seems to be hiding something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: No warnings applied for this chapter
> 
> As always sorry for any typos and I hope you enjoy!

It had been a month since they started school and thus far nothing eventful has really happened. It was pretty normal for the most part. Alex remained busy with school and work while Zach was busy with school and football. Their relationship was as strong as ever and they had been successful in keeping it a secret with the only outsider that knew being Adrien, Alex’s ex. Adrien had become a lot more handsy when Zach would visit Alex and the two happened to work a shift together. That guy really pissed Zach off. There was one time as Alex was working and Zach went to visit him, Adrien actually placed his hand on Alex’s waist and whispered something to him. Alex looked very uncomfortable whereas Zach looked quite murderous. His moves on Alex became a pretty common occurrence and at this point Zach wanted Alex to quit but he also knew it wasn’t fair to ask since Alex didn’t ask Zach to quit football. The reason Alex didn’t like football was because Zach got a lot of attention from flirty girls who would touch Zach freely and flirt constantly. It bothered Alex but he never got really upset and he knew that for the most part, the girls were pretty harmless. It wasn’t even that Adrien was flirty he didn’t seem to even notice or stop when Alex was uncomfortable or even outwardly asked him to stop. It was very uncomfortable, to say the least.

Then of course there was Monty. It was like he replaced Bryce in power and as far as things go he has most of the football team on his side. They followed him blindly and although he wasn’t as bad as Bryce his power in the school has gotten out of hand. They follow him like puppets that can’t think for themselves. At least many of them had the excuse when Bryce was the one, they followed. He at least had money and raw power to the point he could be the difference to a bright future or being shunned and bullied. Not that it excuses their following of Bryce, it doesn’t but from a subjective standpoint Monty does not hold the power Bryce did, so it isn’t out of fear of their futures. Well, it isn’t that Monty can’t be frightening, he sure as hell could be with how crazy he could get but Zach could tell that their main reason for following Monty is not fear. It is loyalty, mainly just loyalty. Which is much worse than if they feared him because at least then they could be persuaded to leave him and stop supporting him and his behavior. But it’s not that, it is pure unwavering loyalty and it is in a way frightening because they love him and Monty is someone that constantly fucks with people close to Zach. And of course, his main target is Alex. It used to be Tyler, and after what Monty did to Tyler that just makes Zach ten times more nervous for Alex. Because what he is capable of having Alex be his new go-to target is honestly so unnerving. Thus far though there have not been many incidents just the occasional comment and shove here and there which obviously, still bothered Zach, still Alex has remained relatively unharmed. It is frustrating for Zach to have to worry about two guys going after Alex, granted for different reasons but both with what seems to be bad intentions.

On top of having to be concerned for his boyfriend, Zach also has struggles of his own. His home life is not the best. Then again it hasn’t been the best since his father died. His mom still brings up how she doesn’t trust him since he didn’t come home after their huge fight in the restaurant. She also talks about how he should be hanging out with someone like Bryce still even after everything that has come out about him. It is so unlikely that she will ever accept Alex, which honestly his mom is such a tyrant that he also doesn’t really care but the tension at home would not be fun. It is already bad, and Zach wouldn’t even know how much that tension would increase if he came out as dating Alex. There is a lot of reasons she would disapprove since Alex is a guy and he does not fit what she wants for Zach. But Alex fits exactly what Zach wants for himself. So, her opinion be damned, Zach was happy and they treat each other well so that is all that should matter. For now, he didn’t even tell May since he could not risk his mother finding out from anywhere of his and Alex’s relationship. Of course, they will come out with things eventually but right now it is probably for the best that they keep things subtle and not tell anyone until they feel they are ready.

Either way, Zach now had a new worry on his mind which was that there was that party coming up which Alex said he actually wanted to go to for some reason. Zach wondered if maybe they should go together or at least hang out there together. No doubt someone like Monty would be there so Zach wasn’t really sure why Alex would even want to go. He thought that none of the friend group would ever even want to go to a party again after Jess and Hannah but apparently Alex actually did want to go for whatever reason. He thought that it might have to do with wanting to blow off some steam since this although their time together has been great, Alex was frustrated with his cane as of late which added to his internal tension adding to the list of reasons why he would wnat to blow off some steam. Plus, Zach could tell that even if Monty isn’t as bad as he can be the comments are getting tiresome and Adrien’s persistence has also been frustrating, and school is as always frustrating. So with all of that combined he wanted to get drunk or high or both to forget everything, but Zach would never let him when he could help it. He obviously wasn’t sure what Alex got up to when he wasn’t around, but he knew that whenever he could stop Alex from getting drunk or high, he definitely would. It wouldn’t be good for Alex since it would affect him a lot more than it would affect other people. When he and Alex were out a date which was a walk around the town Zach decided to ask him what exactly made him want to go to the party.

He and Alex were walking through the town to go to Monet’s and since Alex wanted to try to walk without his cane, which they left in Zach’s car just in case he needed it. So, for Zach and Alex had their arms around each other’s waists to help support Alex. It may have been a little obvious but for those that knew the two they would just assume that Zach was just doting on Alex as he usually does. He still had somewhat of a hard time balancing but was doing pretty well without the cane. Alex glanced at Zach when Zach brought up a party but then looked away for a moment when Zach caught his eye. “Oh no fuck going to a high school party. Yeah, no thanks.” Alex said brushing off the subject, but Zach had the sneaking suspicion that he didn’t say he would not go parties in general but that he just wouldn’t go to high school parties.

Then the thought occurred to him. Adrien invited him to a party at his college. What if Alex was planning to go to that. “It sounds like you are only done with high school parties.” Zach mentioned keeping his voice casual, so he did not sound accusatory. Alex just simply shrugged. He then changed the subject onto something else. Zach decided not to pry but part of him wondered if Alex was really going to sneak behind his back with Adrien to go to this college party. Well, Alex said he didn’t like Adrien so Zach didn’t know why Alex would want to sneak away with Adrien.

When they got to Monet’s and got their drinks from Justin who was working today, and they sat down at a table away from all of the other customers. Zach was still trying to figure out why Alex would want to go to a party in the first place and whether he would actually go anywhere he didn’t need to with Adrien. But it seems like Alex had moved on from the party thing and was onto something else by now. “I meant to ask how are things with your mom?” Alex questioned.

Zach snapped out of his thoughts and moved back to the present. He thought about that for a moment and initially shrugged. “As frustrating as ever I suppose.” He began. “I don’t know. She still brings up how I didn’t come home after the fight we had in the restaurant. She still stuck to the argument that her business is hers and that I need to respect that, to which I agree, but she didn’t even consider how I felt about it. I mean we never even visit his grave or anything. Even on father’s day or his birthday so I guess I should have seen this, but I just can’t forgive her like that.” Zach sighed taking a sip of his drink. “I guess we are in a standstill you know. She won’t apologize and neither will I, so I have just trying to spend as little time with her as possible.”

Alex nodded in understanding. “I guess there are just some people you can’t talk to about that kind of stuff. You know people that don’t want to talk about emotions or understand them or anything.” He glanced around before touching Zach’s hand. “I’m just sorry your mom happens to be one of those people. It sucks truly. You know your parents are supposed to listen and help you through shit not make you bottle it up.” Zach nodded in agreement. There was nothing he could really do though. He couldn’t change her any more than she could change him so the two of them were truly in a standstill.

Zach glanced at Alex’s cup. It was very sugary looking. It was in a clear mug that honestly did not even look like coffee anymore. The inside of the mug was the coffee mixture but there were also streaks of chocolate on the inside. On top of the mug was a lot of fluffy whipped cream and on the whipped cream was chocolate and sprinkles. Lastly, there was one of those edible hazelnut flavored straws. It looked amazing but also looked so unhealthy. Alex did like sweet things so his diet was so boring to him since most of the time his mother's meals were a bit bland and boring. Also, he could forget about having any sort of sweet snacks or candies. He could really only sneak that kind of stuff like he is now. “Speaking of moms, your mom would flip if she saw you drinking that. Like what is that half of your daily recommended calories?” Zach said chuckling. Alex laughed a little before taking a sip. 

Alex looked at the cup. "Only a third of my recommended daily calories. Plus, where else am I supposed to get them from. With the meals my mom makes getting to 2,000 is like not possible." Alex took the straw out of the drink to lick it almost a little too sensually for Zach's liking. “Also, what she doesn’t know won’t kill her.” Alex said before smirking. He glanced around and leaned in close to whisper in Zach’s ear. “I mean she doesn’t know we fuck when my parents are away either and again what she doesn’t know won’t kill her.”

Zach chocked a little on his coffee. He coughed laughing at Alex's bold statement. “And you know I think she would still be more upset about the sugary drink.” That was something that was going pretty well which was his and Alex’s romance. It was still as fired up and passionate as ever. Even if they do have less time to hang out and go on dates since school is back in session. They maintained that passion and flirted quite a lot which was very fun.

Alex pondered that thought for a moment and then nodded in agreement. “You know that sounds accurate. This happens to be my favorite drink after tasting every drink off their menu. You should try it.” Alex said before he took another sip. Zach then got a cheeky idea. He looked around at the people in Monet’s. One young man was a good five tables away reading a book with headphones on. There was a couple, but they seemed to be busy with their own conversation and they were facing the other way so they couldn’t really see Zach and Alex unless they turned their heads completely. Justin was in the back getting more cups, so this was Zach’s chance. He moved in across the table and kissed Alex on the lips pretty deeply so he could really taste the flavor on Alex’s lips.

Once he pulled away, he was met with Alex’s wide eyes and bright red face. Zach smirked a little and licked his lips. “So sweet. I can see why it’s your favorite.”

Alex looked around the shop just to check to see if anyone saw them kiss, but no one noticed. “Are you crazy what if someone saw us?” Alex whispered quite aggressively.

Zach leaned back in his chair looking a little pleased with himself. “Come on what’s the point of a secret relationship if we don’t take risks every now and again?”

Alex stood up abruptly and at first, Zach thought he really upset Alex but just as Zach was about to apologize Alex leaned down to his ear. “Fine then if you really meant that then follow me.” Zach immediately followed Alex. He gulped a little as he watched Alex walk all the way behind Monet’s. Alex leaned against the wall behind the building. Zach stared with great interest. Alex liked to wear button-up shirts and today was no exception. He started to unbutton the first couple of buttons and Zach’s interest peaked even more. “Well are you just going to stand there are you gonna do something?” Alex asked teasing Zach a little.

Zach immediately moved forward pushing his body against Alex’s body. He placed one hand on the wall as he looked down at those piercing blue eyes and his other hand was placed on Alex’s waist. “Well a show would be quite fun too,” He began looking down at Alex with bedroom eyes.

Alex laughed a little. “Oh, you want a strip tease huh? Well, maybe if you make this good, I’ll surprise you with one sometime.” Zach did not need any more motivation than that and he immediately began kissing Alex fairly roughly and savagely, but Alex was not complaining it was quite fun for him too. Zach’s hands moved to go under Alex’s shirt as he pressed harder against Alex pinning him completely against the wall. Alex moved his hand start to move from Zach’s back to his neck and then down again. They were both pretty into it that all other background noises were things they completely ignored. After about five minutes of just solid making out both of them were hot and bothered.

Zach pulled back to look at Alex. They were both panting and seriously wanted each other. “My mom is at work and May is staying over at a friend’s house. So… do you wanna come by?” Alex nodded and they both went about fixing their hair and clothing before stepping out of the alley. Alex cleared his throat just to try to release some of the built-up tension. Once they got to Zach’s car the sexual tension could be cut with a knife. Finally, when they were back at Zach’s they made sure they were alone before going to Zach’s room. The second the door was closed Zach had Alex pressed up against the wall. “Have you ever done it against the wall?” Zach whispered in Alex’s ear.

Alex giggled a little. “Well, we have never done it against a wall so does that answer your question?” He reminded Zach.

“Right, I haven’t either, but it seems fun.” Zach added.

Alex nodded in agreement. “True, but I also have shit balance.”

“Right… well what about on a desk?” Zach said glancing at his desk which was thankfully a cleaned off the surface.

“I have not but we could.” Alex suggested. Zach picked Alex up and then placed him on the desk kissing him passionately when Alex was set down. He rummaged through his desk drawer and found a condom and his bottle of lube. He made quick work of removing Alex’s shirt and his own in between kisses. Alex was sitting up on the surface, but Zach pushed him down slightly so that he was resting on his arms hovering his back off of the desk. They had also been kissing quite a bit so Alex was now flushed and slightly breathless. Zach then removed Alex’s jeans so that he was only wearing his underwear. Alex was wearing light blue briefs with some white straps on them and Zach couldn’t help but think Alex looked great in them. Blue was definitely his color along with black, red, pink, gray… and pretty much every other color. I guess what Zach was saying was that Alex looked great in everything. Alex noticed Zach staring and asked him what was up.

To which Zach responded by placing his hands on Alex’s hips as he leaned down to kiss his chest. “Nothing, I just thought you liked to wear boxers.”

Alex looked down and shrugged. “I thought they looked nice.”

“Oh yeah, they… they really do.” Zach responded feeling his cheeks heat up. Alex chuckled pulling Zach down into a kiss. “Shit now I really wish you were doing a show for me.” Zach said laughing a bit.

“Hm, maybe someday.” Alex responded as he pushed Zach’s pants down. Zach took Alex’s hips and pulled him so that Alex’s butt was past the edge of the desk. Zach, as much as he was enjoying seeing Alex in his underwear, removed them. He lubed his three fingers and around Alex’s entrance. Leaning down to kiss Alex some more he started prepping him. After he felt that Alex had been prepared enough, he removed his underwear and placed a condom on applying more lube to himself and Alex. He pushed himself inside Alex watching Alex’s face scrunch up at first.

Once he was used to the feeling Zach began to move. As Alex started to feel good, he began to become vocal again. Zach watched Alex’s body move with Zach’s thrusts which was always pretty sexy to see. Alex's hair was getting longer and now had a bit of a wave in it which looked so cute when he started to get hot since his gentle curls in his hair would become more pronounced. As they continued on that way Zach got an idea for a way to spice up their position even more. He grabbed onto Alex’s leg and waist and helped turn him so that he was on his side with one of his legs up on Zach’s shoulder. At first, Alex was shocked by this new position but he also wasn’t complaining. Nothing wrong with spicing things up if they were both comfortable. Alex couldn’t really do much in this position but that also didn’t seem to bother Zach. Zach just had one hand placed on Alex’s leg to help him keep it there while the other was placed on Alex’s hip as he continued to thrust. Zach did like this new position and location a though definitely not necessary for him to enjoy this. But at the same time, fucking Alex against a desk did in fact seem kinkier than on a bed. Maybe it was because this kind of stuff could be associated with roleplay which was a little on the kinkier side of things. “Doesn’t this remind you of porn?” Zach asked Alex who looked both completely embarrassed and shocked that Zach would say that.

“I-in what fucking way other than beside the fact we are having sex?” Alex asked his voice more on the shaky yet still somewhat assertive side. “I swear if you are filming this-” Alex said but Zach assured him that wasn’t what he meant.

Zach shook his head groaning a little. “No more so that the fact that we are like… hmm, you know doing it on a desk. It feels like roleplay.”

“Jesus Zach!” Alex said covering his face with embarrassment.

“What I am just saying it’s like when people in porn act like they are student and teacher and the student is getting fucked on the teacher’s desk.” Zach said laughing slightly as he noticed Alex getting more embarrassed.

Alex shook his head frantically. “Please stop talking.”

“All I am saying is it is like you are my cute student and I am the teacher who has been dying to fuck you, it is like porn.”

“Zach please shut up!” Alex insisted. He couldn’t even believe they were having a conversation while having sex, let alone this conversation. That was also something that was pretty shocking.

Zach smirked as he moved his hand to Alex’s face lifting his chin to look at Zach. “That is Mr. Dempsey to you, Alex.” Zach teased chuckling a little as he watched Alex’s eyes fill with shock than a sort of embarrassed anger.

“Fuck you.” Alex exclaimed his voice angry but not the serious kind of angry.

“Language I may have to punish you for that.” Zach teased as he placed a gentle kiss on Alex’s leg. He could tell that Alex was definitely not ready for that kind of sex so he decided to back off. He moved Alex so that Alex was back to laying on his back and his legs were wrapped around Zach’s waist for support. He placed his hands on the desk to hold him so that he could be face to face with Alex. “I’m joking.” He whispered before kissing Alex gently but still passionately. He then pulled back kissing Alex’s nose. “You are really easy to tease though.”

Alex simply crossed his arms. “You are so impossible.” He huffed as he rolled his eyes. He wasn’t upset or anything just flustered and definitely not near the confidence level that it takes to do that kind of play during sex. He also would feel too awkward about it, so it wasn’t like this deeply bothered him. It was more like he was just a little too flustered.

Zach smiled at him before placing his lips on Alex’s neck to whisper, “But you love me anyway.” Alex’s breath hitched and he simply nodded in response. Zach continued to thrust into Alex and Alex wrapped his arms around Zach’s neck. Zach had to admit that the other position was fun, but nothing could beat being able to hold Alex and kiss him. Zach did love kissing Alex when they were being intimate. He also found that Alex tends to moan a little more from this kind of position. Zach figured it had to be with how Zach was hitting his prostate from this position and how it was more dead-on from this kind of position or from something like doggie style. They have done that one too which was good for stimulation only downside was that it wasn’t great for partner visual communication and they couldn’t kiss as much and as established they both really liked to kiss while being intimate. They were kissing this time as they came actually. Which was also very intense because they had the physical high and the emotional butterflies that they got from kissing still.

Once they finished, they cleaned themselves up with some tissues put their underwear back on, and moved to the bed to hang out under the covers together. Cuddling after the sex was also very nice. Zach placed his arms around Alex’s waist holding him close to his chest as they spooned. Normally Zach was the big spoon since he was in fact bigger but sometimes Alex would have his arm thrown over Zach’s chest from behind which was also very nice too. The moral of the story was that being together was all around just super pleasant.

“By the way, I wasn’t joking those briefs on you are so fucking nice.” Zach whispered in Alex’s ear.

Alex smirked looking back at Zach. “I actually have ones that are similar but pink. I normally do not like the color pink at all because my aesthetic is very dark, but I thought they looked nice on me. I’ll show you sometime.”

Zach moved his hand to Alex’s thigh as he rubbed the skin there. “You would look amazing in anything and honestly I think pink would be a good color on you. It really matches the undertone of your skin and it reminds me of you when you blush.” Zach said giggling. “It’s cute.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “You are lucky you are hot or I would not tolerate the 'cute' comments all the time.”

“Oh yeah?” Zach whispered in Alex’s ear making Alex shiver a little. “And what exactly would you do about it.” His voice said seductively.

Alex snorted. “Not anything you are thinking of Dempsey, get your mind out of the gutter.” He replied sassily. Which resulted in Zach laughing a little. Sassy Alex was always a trip.

Zach and Alex stayed lying in bed together watching movies for a while and just talking about anything that came to their minds when Zach asked if Alex wanted to stay over. Alex checked his phone. “Oh, I can’t tonight. I am gonna hang out with some friends from work.” Alex said seeing that it was now seven. Zach’s mom was at a work dinner which she told him about yesterday and May, as he said, was staying at a friend’s house. Alex sat up fully and pulled on his shirt. “And anyway, your mom plus me staying the night is likely to end in disaster, no offense, but she clearly does not like me.”

Zach nodded slowly as he was deep in thought. He laughed nervously. “Ha yeah that’s true, but she’ll have to get over it eventually.” He was still stuck on Alex going out with some people from the Crestmont. Obviously, his mind wandered to Adrien. “So… um, where are you guys going?”

Alex laughed a little as he pulled his pants on. “Truthfully I am not sure. I like in the rich part of town but also near the University.”

“Who are you hanging out with?” Zach questioned.

“Just some people from the Crestmont, you won’t know them.” Alex responded as he sort of dodged the question. He was fully dressed now. He got an alert and checked his phone. “Oh, hey listen I have to go but I’ll text you tonight, I promise.” He quickly leaned down and kissed Zach. “Today was great by the way.” He whispered.

“Wait don’t you need a ride back home?” Zach asked still stuck on what Alex said.

“Nope, they are going to pick me up. I’ll text you at elven like we do every night.” Every night when they weren’t hanging out or previously texting, they would always make sure to text each other good night. They would do this even if they weren’t going to bed at that moment. It always made the other happy. Zach was the one that started the habit and Alex continued it. It just made them feel more connected.

When Alex left Zach was left lying there alone to think things over. Alex was intentionally vague, but why? I mean things were great between them, weren’t they, Zach though. Their chemistry is amazing, and they talk all the time about anything and everything. They were still super physical, and the sex was great so why would Alex need to hide anything? Maybe he felt like he couldn’t trust Zach. Or maybe he felt like Zach was too invasive. Was Zach too invasive? If anything, Zach is only that way to protect Alex and make sure he’s okay. It’s not like he didn’t trust Alex but that was just too strange for Zach to be okay with. Zach sighed and decided he would get cleaned up.

Alex, however, was with a couple of people from the Crestmont hanging out at some random person’s house for a party across town. It definitely was the rich part of town and like Alex said he normally didn’t like parties but not many high schoolers were at this one and he was curious as to what a college party was like. It could be fun. There were a few people who went to the college in town who also worked at the Crestmont which is how Alex knew about the party. One of the people that knew about the party was Adrien but that isn’t who Alex actually went with to the party. At first, he was wondering if he should go. He and his cane made him stand out, but he was told that no one cared at college parties and that it was super chill and fun. In actuality, Alex’s friends were right no one cared that Alex had a cane everyone was just going to get fucked up and have fun. They first stopped to pick up some stuff for the party so by the time they got there it was eight and everyone was already having fun.


End file.
